tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4736523199223648752024-03-14T04:40:33.117-06:00...A day in the life...Janalynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03241233797847348799noreply@blogger.comBlogger499125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-16080518685688251562016-03-11T20:02:00.001-07:002016-03-11T20:02:36.149-07:0025 in 25 : #2, #3, #4Oh hey! Long time no see. I've accomplished a few things on my 25 in 25 list. Did I every tell you everything I was going to do? Probably not.... here's a few of the things I plan to do. Some are small, some are big, some are personal (and those won't be shared), some will probably be changed by the time this year is over. <br />
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1. chalk the block. 2. run a 5k. 3. ride the tram at snowbird. 4. visit a different country. 5. go to lavender days in mona with shayla. 6. go to san francisco with ashley. 7. karaoke with ashley. 8. learn to play the ukulele. 9. read 25 books. 10. go to boston. 11. meet someone famous. 12. learn to knit <br />
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okay; i'll leave the rest for another day, or never.<br />
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the first thing I crossed off was chalk the block, you can read about it in my last post. <br />
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#2; I met someone famous.<br />
My friend Diane invited me to go to a book launch with her and I met New York Times best selling author Jennifer A. Nielsen. I have a picture of her and I but not on this computer.<br />
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#3; learn to knit. <br />
Okay, I still have a LONG ways to go before I can say I'm pro at knitting, but I did learn and am still practicing. I taught myself, thanks to youtube videos. I feel like a grandma whenever I knit but it's relaxing and I'm excited to get better at this new hobby. Watch out, you might all be getting sweaters for every holiday and birthday now.<br />
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#4; read 25 books. Uh....I read 25 books in roughly...3 months. Embarrassing? Nah. Pathetic? Perhaps. I just really love to read and I don't have any other form of social life for the most part. Want a list of the 25 books I read? Good, because you're getting one. Mind you, most of the books are cheesy romance books. Some are teen fiction. I tried to throw in a variety but I failed terribly. I'll give each book a star ranking, based on how I felt I liked them...<br />
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1. No Place To Fall by Jaye Robin Brown ***<br />
2. Love On A Whim by Aubrey Mace *****<br />
3. Persuaded by Jenni James ****<br />
4. Pride and Popularity by Jenni James ****<br />
5. Kiss and Blog by Allyson Noel *<br />
6. Spotlight by Traci Hunter Abramson ****<br />
7. Always Will by Melanie Jacobson *****<br />
8. If We Kiss by Rachel Vail **<br />
9. Kiss Me Again by Rachel Vail *<br />
10. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki (mandatory read for school) ***<br />
11. The Promise of Amazing by Robin Constantine ***<br />
12. Happily Ever After by Kiera Cass ****<br />
13. Zac and Mia by A.J. Betts *****<br />
14. The Summer of Letting Go by Gae Polisner *****<br />
15. Happy Again by Jennifer Smith ****<br />
16. Food: A Love Story by Jim Gaffigan ***<br />
17. His Personal Relationship Manager by Jennifer Peel ****<br />
18. Twist of Fate by Rachael Anderson ****<br />
19. Jessie Belle by Jennifer Peel ***<br />
20. The Girl in Seat 24B by Jennifer Peel ***<br />
21. Prejudice Meets Pride by Rachael Anderson *****<br />
22. Rough Around the Edges by Rachael Anderson *****<br />
23. Stick In the Mud Meets Spontaneity by Rachael Anderson *****<br />
24. Professional Boundaries by Jennifer Peel ****<br />
25. Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella ****<br />
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So...I apparently like to read books by the same authors. But most of these are just ones I could get through the library's e-book app. I also never give up on a book unless the language and content is terrible. I'm not promising that these are all the best books ever. In fact, would I recommend most of these? Probably not. I'm hoping that I will broaden my horizons through the rest of this year. If I find any note worthy books I will share them here on the blog.<br />
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Until next time..Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-75972416263929488992015-09-25T21:40:00.000-06:002015-09-25T21:40:16.032-06:0025 in 25; #1- Participate in Chalk the BlockHere's the deal; I turned 25 years old 4 days ago. About 2 months ago I decided I wanted to create a 25 in 25 bucket list. The first thing on my list was "participate in Chalk the Block". It may have been on my list simply because I was already registered for it, and it fell on my birthday, but it seemed like a good way to start out 25.<br />
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Chalk the Block is a chalk art festival held in Provo, Utah at the Shops at Riverwoods. Each artist is given a parking space and are required to cover 8 ft by 8 ft of it in chalk. I saw that registration was open a few months ago and told Courtney that she should sign up for it. She told me she would only sign up for it if I did it with her. So the decision was made, I would participate in Chalk the Block. I was planning on just letting Courtney do the drawing and I could help color, seemed like a good plan. Courtney had other ideas, she wanted me to do some of the drawing as well. The theme for Chalk the Block was "From Sea to Shining Sea". At first we wanted to draw Lilo and Stitch, then we wanted to do ocean animals, then we talked about doing Finding Nemo. We finally met a week before Chalk the Block to decide what we were going to do. We found a picture from Finding Nemo that we liked and thought we could replicate. <br />
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Thursday, September 17. I had to work so I couldn't get down to Provo until about 2:00, Courtney had gotten there at 10:00, left, and then went back about 1:00. When I got there Courtney had drawn out a grid and then started drawing some coral. I started drawing an octopus, and after I finished that I drew a fish. That was as far as I got on Thursday before I headed home.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimw9h8zt5nmPVMLXhOS-0EJH7zWjmpahxAuOjGtzHwlpr3-gNk92FFu7Wcj7KHuTHJ_q6KayxJ3RJ8c6wW7-lJBi5i8JD4Oaod0PrMCeA0RRiCxkBV6yay0pOd7YvC55o2XKzKbpQ5-oA/s1600/IMG_7611.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcAOjCeXVWBZX0QiVEWN8aG7kWLHawUMZFFCqXSXzyCONYqajXUBEit7OEgVPMePu6IQqyWdYXogadpnObAyIRXD9QVd1aNQs2kpAatVA1CATrhRgq1SRiiGA-eokvR0iPVIcV_XW39x4/s1600/IMG_7607.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcAOjCeXVWBZX0QiVEWN8aG7kWLHawUMZFFCqXSXzyCONYqajXUBEit7OEgVPMePu6IQqyWdYXogadpnObAyIRXD9QVd1aNQs2kpAatVA1CATrhRgq1SRiiGA-eokvR0iPVIcV_XW39x4/s400/IMG_7607.JPG" width="225" /></a><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimw9h8zt5nmPVMLXhOS-0EJH7zWjmpahxAuOjGtzHwlpr3-gNk92FFu7Wcj7KHuTHJ_q6KayxJ3RJ8c6wW7-lJBi5i8JD4Oaod0PrMCeA0RRiCxkBV6yay0pOd7YvC55o2XKzKbpQ5-oA/s400/IMG_7611.JPG" width="400" /><br />
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Friday, September 18. My birthday. I got down to Provo about 10:30 or 11:00 and started drawing. Courtney had added a sand bank after I left the night before, so I drew an eel and added in a little more sand and some water. At 12:00 I left our space to go have lunch with Tammi, but when I got to the Provo Beach Resort Tammi surprised me by inviting Ashley and Mari along. We had a nice lunch at Bajio and then they came back to see our progress on our picture. After they left Courtney and I attacked it with full force. At some point that afternoon Cassi and her family came by to see what we were drawing and wish me a happy birthday. It was about 7:00 or so and Courtney and I looked at our photo and realized we had a large space that really needed something added to it. I came up with the idea of adding a sunken ship in to take up a large space. So at 7:00 I sketched out a rough looking ship, but then Courtney came in and made it look 100 times better. After she finished drawing it I started to color it in while she finished some coral, when she was done with that she started to color in the boat as well. It was 8:30 pm by the time we finished for the day. We didn't know how the boat looked and if our colors blended well together or not. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJdDSdXZ8uVTO53MY6K3ySIjRQ_ifkzH2pY0c_lz7DxStXYbTC9JL7jz90IrsNeHJClbRjCT0xGIqPL8ugLXjW_wUOjtU4G6xitdcbe2hdOywSZ7fkgu2Ouncyy0iZupIHU_UyXYcoXwA/s1600/IMG_7628.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a>Saturday, September 19. I wasn't supposed to get down to Provo until close to noon on Saturday, but I got there about 11:00 and started working. I think I added a crab before Courtney made it. During the night some water ran through the middle of our picture so Courtney touched that up and I added some lines on the boat. Courtney did a lot of finishing touches, shading, and blending colors on the lower half of the picture, and I started to add in all of the blue for the water. We had to be finished with our art by 3:00 pm, we finished at 2:54. Six minutes to spare. We tried to win the award for "Best Use of Color", we didn't win anything, but we were happy with our result.</div>
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A few fun facts: We didn't use the grid system that was drawn, and we didn't have a photo to go off of, we just started to add things in here and there. I was drawing cartoon animals, while Courtney was drawing realistic corals, at the beginning we weren't sure how that would look, but the more details we added the more it came together. Because we didn't have a picture to go off of we started working from the bottom up, and then we went from the center, out. Eventually we ran out of good places to sit without sitting on our drawings. I needed to add some fish up at the top so I ended up drawing them upside down, since I was sitting at the very very top of the space. Neither Courtney or I had ever done a picture so large, I had never worked with chalk, and Courtney hadn't used it a whole lot. We were very much amateur's going in to this event, we still are. But we now know that we have what it takes to finish and we are planning on doing it again next year.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-58942857727859102262015-08-02T20:09:00.000-06:002015-08-02T20:09:16.756-06:00nothing...absolutely nothing"What are you doing in life?" "What's new?" "What are you up to?" <div>
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Those three questions are my least favorite questions to be asked right now. I dread running into people I haven't seen in a while because I know the inevitable will happen. </div>
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Let me tell you what my response is when asked those questions. "I am doing nothing, absolutely nothing." It's the truth, I'm not doing anything. I wake up, play with my nephew, go to work, come home, eat, read, and go to bed. Then the next day I do the exact same thing. Occasionally I do fun things on the weekends, but nothing extraordinary. I don't mind this really. I am fine with my mundane lifestyle, for the moment. I know things will change soon and I will miss being able to do nothing. </div>
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So why do I hate those questions if I don't mind my answers? I hate the response I get from people when I say I'm doing nothing. It's as if I am a horrible person for "doing nothing". "What??!?! That's not true. You've gotta be doing something?" "Yes you are doing something, what are you doing?" </div>
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Please. Thank you for your concern over my lack of adventure. But please. Let me live this lovely life of doing nothing. Soon, I'll be doing something, I'm sure. Please, if you ask me what I'm doing, and I respond "nothing" leave it at that....don't try to convince me that I'm doing things, because I'm actually okay that my life is "boring".</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-3098910077798714032015-07-26T23:35:00.003-06:002015-07-26T23:35:40.958-06:00{super hero letter}<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">"</span><span style="font-family: AppleGothic; font-size: 12px; letter-spacing: 0px;">It’s a bird...it’s a plane...it’s.....Superman?” Nah, I’m never going to have a tag line like Superman, most likely I won’t have a fancy car like Batman, and I’m not going to be able to swing from skyscrapers like Spiderman. I may not be a superhero that is out saving the world from the newest villain, and I may never be the headliner in the newspaper. Don’t worry though, I’m a different kind of superhero. Perhaps a better kind of superhero.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There are going to be people in the world who will tell me that I’m not a hero, and that my “super power” isn’t really a super power, I’ll just ignore them. What I’ve got, it’s pretty special. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You see, I’ve got a quiet strength about me. Perhaps we should say my super power is invisibility. But, that almost denotes some negativity in my mind. It’s not so much invisibility but the super power to “hide” amongst the crowd, knowing when you are needed and reappear. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Sometimes people think they need a big fancy superhero to rescue them from the bad in the world. In my experiences, they don’t need the pomp and circumstance, and that’s why I think my super power is special. When they come to their senses they will realize what they need is someone like me. Someone who can be there for them, to listen, to care, to lend a helping hand.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You can see how some people would scoff and laugh at my super power. It’s not an easy life amongst all these big powerful superheroes. They are always picking on me, and trying to convince me that I’m not a superhero. I’m doing my best not to allow them to get me down, but it can be hard. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>That’s where the strength in quiet strength comes into play. It’s taken me a few years to figure this out, but I’m full of inner strength, especially when it comes to defeating the every day villains I may have to face. These villains that I face, generally aren’t strangers, or scary monsters, but friends- people I love and trust. To quote a beloved fictional character, Albus Dumbledore, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” So those other super heroes can go and fight off the monsters, but I’ll do things my way.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I try to do things in more of a peace keeper type way rather than fighting. Kill them with kindness, right? Not only do I face these daily villains, but I try my hardest to help those who are in need of a little extra boost. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear, having a super power of quiet strength makes this job rather easy. I find great joy and reward in listening to someone else’s problems and possibly offering a small piece of advice. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maybe one day the “popular” superheroes will realize that I am just as much of a super hero as they are, and perhaps the world will appreciate me for who I am and not try to make me someone else. But until that day I will continue to show them how powerful I can be. How much good I can do in the world, and how much strength it takes to have the super power of “quiet strength/invisibility”. Being a superhero doesn’t have to be about the thrills and the frills, you can be a superhero by living an every day life and just caring for those you come in contact with.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-7578487390989382452015-04-14T21:45:00.001-06:002015-04-14T21:47:01.173-06:00"A dream is a wish your heart makes...."<div style="text-align: center;">
Growing up I had one education dream; to attend BYU. I'm sure that's the dream a lot of LDS kids had growing up in Utah. I carried that dream with me until high school, senior year to be exact. It was time to start applying for college and BYU didn't even make my list. I applied to the U of U, UVU, Snow, SUU, and Dixie State. BYU was no longer on my list because reality hit, it was expensive and I didn't have the grades I thought I needed. My cousin convinced me to at least apply; so...I sat down with my seminary teacher and began the process. That's all I did...began the process. I stopped before I got halfway through. So...I went to Snow, then SLCC, and finally UVU. I graduated from UVU in December of 2014 with my associates degree. An Associate's of Science with an emphasis in Early Childhood Education, and a One Year Teaching certificate. I told myself I was done for awhile. School was draining and no longer fun. Then, I found out about the BYU-Idaho Pathway program. It is essentially a program for people who hadn't had the opportunity to attend school, needed to return, or other such circumstances. I saw some pluses in it, the price was right, it would give me a break without an actual break, and I'd be able to eventually get that bachelor's degree I wanted. </div>
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I started the Pathway program in January, I found myself falling in love with the way the classes went. I liked the constant comparison between secular and temporal knowledge. I started to have the thought in my mind that maybe now would be a good time to attempt my dream. Although, my dream was slightly different now. Instead of BYU, it was BYU-I. Enter my trip to Rexburg in February. It felt right, it felt so right, every part of it. The Monday after I got home I was talking to my neighbor, who I also work with and I said "I'm going to apply to BYU-I." I hadn't told my parents, and I kind of surprised myself that I was so willing to share the info. She told me "Good for you, that's my dream for you." I eventually talked to my mom and told her my plans. She was happy, and encouraged me to go for it. So I did, I took that leap, a leap that was frightening and exhilarating all at the same time. I applied for BYU-Idaho, I looked for a place to live, I started saving every penny of my paycheck. My bishop was excited for me, he told me it would be a good experience, my stake president and the 1st counselor in the stake presidency agreed. All signs were pointing north. I was waiting for a letter in the mail, I was hoping one would come, and I was obviously hoping for the BIG envelope. Well, I got tired of waiting so I checked online. I saw the six letter word that I didn't want to see. D-E-N-I-E-D right next to "application status". Then I saw the letter. I read it, 5 minutes before I was supposed to be at work on Monday. I cried, for two seconds. I told my mom, feeling like a failure that "my application was denied." I said it as fast as I could, hoping that maybe she wouldn't hear and I wouldn't have to deal. She heard, I had to deal. I tried to look for the positive in this situation. I put all of my eggs into this one basket. I had my life pointing in the direction of BYU-Idaho and suddenly it wasn't pointing anywhere specific. Everyone has told me that "the Lord has something better in store for you." and words of advice like that. I didn't like hearing that, and I still don't; because I'm stuck in that phase of saying "If something felt so right, and everyone was on the same page, why was it not the right thing?" A dear woman, who I love like a second mother, well...she basically is my second mom (she took care of me when I was "sick" in 3rd grade just about everyday...and she is one of my best friends' moms.) commented on a picture I had posted on facebook; this is what she said.. "Jana good for you for taking the leap. You never know what is around the corner and what doors may open just because you were ready and willing to take that leap. Keep pressing forward and you will see what the Lord has in store for you!" It really opened my eyes to a new perspective. Maybe it wasn't BYU-I that felt right, maybe it was me; trusting in my Heavenly Father, and making a leap that I otherwise wouldn't have done. As hard as it is for me to now tell people whom I've told that I was going to be moving, that I'm in fact, not moving, and how much my heart is broken that I'm not moving. I'm relying on my faith that the Lord does have something better in store for me and maybe all I needed to do was show Him that I could make a leap.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-88459864431701168102015-04-14T21:17:00.001-06:002015-04-14T21:17:59.773-06:00Marion Darlene ChristensenFebruary 1, 2015... another day when my world crashed down a little bit more. It had been just about 6 months since I said goodbye to my grandpa on my mom's side, and I had to say goodbye to my grandma on my dad's side; my last living grandparent. Her death was sudden, and unexpected. However, Grandma had been saying for 6 years that she wanted to go. She missed my grandpa and my cousin too much. I was going to write the events leading up to her passing, but decided against it. Instead, here's what I would have said at my grandma's grave side service; if I had chosen to do so. <br />
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"To say I am going to miss my grandma is an understatement.</div>
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My whole life I have lived</div>
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no more than 10 minutes away from her home.</div>
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She was the one who would take care of me if I was sick</div>
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and my parents were at work. </div>
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Sunday afternoons were spent at her home.<br />Any holiday, she had a celebration.</div>
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She was the one I would tell about my new job,</div>
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the test I had coming up, </div>
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or my weekend plans.</div>
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She made the best toast in the world,</div>
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and I have yet to figure out her secret!</div>
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My grandma was one of the most amazing people that walked this earth.</div>
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She was so kind to everyone she met.</div>
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She was strong, so strong.</div>
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She kept going even when she wanted so badly to stop.</div>
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She was the glue of our family after Grandpa passed away.<br />She made sure we saw each other often. She planned activities to help us grow closer</div>
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as a family and closer to Christ.</div>
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Grandma made the best food! Toast; cake; gravy; candy; everything.</div>
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Going to Grandma's house was the cure to a bad day,</div>
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a busy week,</div>
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or a sick stomach.</div>
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She was the best listener. Sometimes she didn't have much to say</div>
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but she offered the greatest listening ear.</div>
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Nights sitting in her backyard, talking, listening to the world around us</div>
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was a great way to spend summer nights.</div>
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Our family gathered at Grandma's for everything.</div>
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Sometimes planned; sometimes sporadically."</div>
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It's been two months since we said goodbye to grandma. I had a hard time with her passing, but I bounced back. Easter was hard, very hard. The fact that it landed on conference weekend made it double hard. At times I think I can still just walk down the street and find grandma home, waiting for some visitors. Then reality strikes, and I remember she's not. How blessed I am that I had her in my life, and that I was able to see her so often.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-27094591411333895362015-02-23T09:51:00.000-07:002015-02-23T09:51:02.523-07:00{a four hour car ride} that might have been a mistake...I visited Rexburg, Idaho over the weekend. I'd been telling my old roommate Courtney that I would come visit her and her husband while they were at BYU-I but I was always so busy with school. So, since I graduated, I decided to go. I was excited, so excited. Until, I realized I would have a four hour car ride, by myself. No one to talk to, no one to trade driving with if I got tired, just me. As it turned out, four hours with just me, some music, and the open road wasn't so bad. About a week before I was to go up I told Courtney, "Now, if I come up you have to promise me you won't convince me to move up there." Ever since I started the Pathway Program through BYU-I the thought of just moving to Rexburg has crossed my mind a number of times. As I pulled out of my driveway Friday afternoon I told myself "Don't fall in love with Rexburg." (Remember, I have a love of small towns.) I told myself I needed to put some new music on my phone, because hooking my phone up and shuffling through music is easier to do than switching out CD's all the time. Well, as it turns out, I didn't have time to add new music, so I was limited on my music choices. I thought for sure I would need some upbeat, bass pumping music to get me through the drive. I was wrong. I listened to the same album on my phone for just about the whole four hours, each way. I'm sure you're thinking, what does this have to do with anything? Well. As much as I love small towns, I love music even more, and I tend to learn some great lessons from songs, even if the lesson I learn isn't exactly the message the song is trying to portray. Before I go much further, I should say this. A part of me knew that in driving to Rexburg I was running from my life in Sandy. Not that it is bad, but there are things happening that have had me wanting to run for awhile. The fact that the second I got on the freeway and felt all of my worries and pain wash away I knew this trip would be for the best. Somewhere on a long stretch of freeway in northern Utah or Idaho a song came on, and I knew, within a second, that this trip to Rexburg was going to be hard. Hard because I knew I wouldn't want to leave. Lately I've been enamored with a local band called The National Parks. They are the perfect mix of calm and soothing music mixed with an upbeat vibe. I am pretty sure by this time in the drive I had listened to the CD 3 times over, as well as listening to the CD every day for the past two weeks. I don't remember where I was exactly on the drive, close to Malad I think. All I know, is that I was driving in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but hills, fields, and sage brush as my scenery, when the song "Ghosts" came on. The song is about a boy who leaves his home for a girl, just to find out she isn't his one true love so he goes home. <br />
The chorus goes like this... "So I'll go home, to rest my soul. And all my ghosts, they'll be gone and I'll be home." After the second time through the chorus the girl sings; "And if you're looking for life, just keep running to me. Cuz you just might find it..." <br />
I'm pretty sure tears were streaming down my face at this point. Though I wasn't running home, and I wasn't running because of a fallen love, I was running, and to be honest, I felt like I was running home. That is when I knew I was in trouble. Rexburg was amazing. We didn't do a whole lot, but it was everything I needed and more to clear my head. We walked around campus, and I felt like I belonged. It was such a surreal feeling. When I drove into town on Friday night, I had no idea where I was supposed to go, so I followed the signs toward campus and the temple. From there, I figured out where Courtney lived. This sounds weird, but it was like I knew exactly where to go. Even though it is a small town, I had no problem just going to the exact streets I needed to go to. When I came home to Sandy yesterday, I struggled leaving Rexburg. So I drove around, and ended back up at the temple where I sat and pondered things. I drove out of town with more tears in my eyes. I felt like I was leaving home. Somehow, I fell in love with that small town, even though I told myself I wouldn't. I woke up in Utah today, and cried a little because I didn't want to be here. Maybe, someday, maybe, I will go back to Rexburg, and I won't have to leave so quickly.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-40516927274415430942015-02-16T21:49:00.003-07:002015-02-16T21:49:31.577-07:00Visiting TeachingThe other day I was at work, when I found out that a girl who was subbing at our school was my visiting teaching companion. Yes, I realize how strange that is but, I hadn't been attending my own ward for about six months. I was talking to my co-workers about it and one of them who is a non-member asked what visiting teaching is and when we told her that it is a program where the sisters in the ward are given assignments to just check up on the sisters each month she responded by saying "That is such an awesome program!" Then, last night I attended an amazing fireside with Sister Tanner who wrote the book "Daughter's in My Kingdom". The question "How has Relief Society been a refuge for you?" was posed several times throughout the night. I had a resounding answer in my heart to that question, and the answer is... visiting teaching.<br />
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I've been blessed with some incredible visiting teachers over the past few years. Some have been my friends before they were called as my visiting teachers, some have become my friends because of visiting teaching, and some I'm still getting to know. We were asked to discuss with our neighbor some of our thoughts and this is what I had to say....<br />
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"I never thought it was possible to have your visiting teacher become one of your closest friends. Over the past few weeks my life has been a bit of a struggle, there have been highs, lows, and even deeper lows. I found myself turning to a former visiting teacher turned dear friend, instead of the friends I've known the longest. When I needed a hug she was there to give me 20. When I needed kleenexes during an emotional Fast and Testimony meeting she went on a mission to get me one. When I needed someone to sit with during sacrament meeting she was there to save a seat. She knew my favorite candy without even having to ask, and was a listening ear when I just needed to talk. She never gave up on me when I went to a different ward, and continued to check up on me, even though she didn't have to anymore. Relief Society and visiting teaching has been a refuge because it gave me a friend for a life time. That is something that can never be replaced!"<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-8124694487029764292014-12-31T21:18:00.000-07:002014-12-31T21:18:05.005-07:00Good Riddance 2014<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh 2014,</div>
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I loved you, I hated you, I wanted you to last forever, and I wanted you to end.</div>
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I've learned a number of lessons, and learned a great deal about myself.<br />
At the end of 2013, I came up with a word to live by in 2014. <br />
That word was "Brave".<br />
I did pretty well at the beginning of the year, but I feel it went downhill as the year went on. Although, my coworker pointed this out to me...<br />
"<span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; text-align: left;">Brave does not begin to describe what you are doing. School full time being with your little kiddos, then coming to work and dealing with us. Give yourself some credit girl" </span><br />
...so maybe...maybe I did semi okay in that respect.<br />
But now... onto the monthly recap!<br />
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~January~<br />
January brought the realization of how much family means to me. I learned just how much my cousins love me as they sacrificed their time to make sure I made it to the train to get home on time.<br />
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I also told myself in January that I was going to change...I was going to become the person I wanted to become.<br />
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January was also the month I stopped talking to my best friend.<br />
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~February~</div>
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I spent a lot of time with my childhood best friend in February as she <strike>sat</strike> laid in her hospital bed after a freak sledding accident. I learned a lot about her and our friendship that month.</div>
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~March~</div>
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I went to Phoenix for Spring Training. One of the highlights of my year. We were stranded in the airport for 10 hours and were still able to come home smiling.</div>
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I enjoyed book club, and was grateful for the friendships it helped grow.</div>
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~April~</div>
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I went to Idaho Falls for my first time, for the wedding of a dear friend. We even went to the Idaho Falls library for a book sale!</div>
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I spent Thursday nights either photographing T-Ball teams, or watching my favorite 6 year old play T-Ball, which made me grateful for his mom!</div>
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~May~<br />I blogged about why "Returned Missionary" isn't on my list of what I want in a future spouse. I stand by my wards, full heartedly. </div>
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My friend got home from his mission...I prematurely thought our friendship would be the same it was two years ago.</div>
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<br />~June~</div>
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I went to a Bee's game with a group of friends. They're the best. Really, truly! </div>
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<br />I was present at the Stake FHE when my stake got the "skank of the year" award.</div>
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I attended the Mormon Bachelorette casting call, just so a friend could see her friend, but it was still fun!</div>
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Finally, I went to St. George for a week with the three of the greatest girls ever!</div>
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<br />~July~</div>
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I officially quit my photography job, and worked at Seagull Book. I missed my photography job every day. </div>
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Had a fourth of July breakfast with friends, went to the Sandy festivities with them, and then watched fireworks with my favorite second family. </div>
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<br />~August~</div>
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I said goodbye to my hero, my motivator, my Grandfather. He actually passed away of July 31, but his funeral was in August. It was a hard time for me. It was hard to see him go down hill health wise so fast. He his greatly missed, but I know he is watching over us and is happier now.</div>
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I became an aunt to the cutest little boy in the world!</div>
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~September~</div>
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I said farewell to 23 and hello to 24. I celebrated with a dinner at The Olive Garden and time spent with my twin. </div>
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I officially switched my major to Early Childhood Education, and met one of my dearest friends thanks to practicum.</div>
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Between August and September, I filled my love for musicals by attending Hale Center Theater twice.</div>
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<br />~October~</div>
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I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in years, hello hunter attire!</div>
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I fell in love with 12 little boys, and 4 little girls. My preschool class took my heart in their hands and wrapped me around their little fingers!</div>
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I gained the friendship with my cousin I have longed for my whole life. I loved spending my afternoons with Tammi and loved the hugs from her children, especially when I got to spend the night at their home.</div>
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<br />~November~</div>
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I admitted to running from my problems, number one being running from my ward. I had admitted to a friend months before that I was beginning to be inactive, but kept it hidden from everyone else. </div>
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I celebrated Thanksgiving with my entire family. It was lovely, aside from my homework.</div>
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I worked Black Friday, but with some of my favorite people so it cross canceled each other.</div>
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<br />~December~</div>
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I didn't think I would make it through finals, I did, and I graduated.</div>
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I missed Christmas Eve at my Grandma's house for the second time in my life, and I spent the evening bawling. </div>
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I went downtown to see the lights at Temple Square and enjoyed every minute of the 3 hours spent down there.</div>
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I went bowling with my friends ward, spent some time with an old friend, and realized I'm still horrible at bowling!</div>
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2014 really was a great year. Though I am excited to see what 2015 has in store for me.</div>
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I chose my "word" to live by a few weeks ago. Acceptance. Acceptance of the circumstances that Lord puts me in, acceptance of the people that come into my life (or leave), and most importantly acceptance of myself. Life can only go up hill from here! Happy New Year and may you find that 2015 brings you everything you want!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-29549012277702904012014-12-15T23:14:00.000-07:002014-12-15T23:24:17.145-07:00There is a quote by Charlie Brown that reads: "I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens." This quote has struck a chord with me, many times in my life. Often times it does feel like every time I have an extreme high something happens that bring me down. But at this time in my life it would be more fitting if it read; "I think I'm afraid to open up because whenever I do, someone always walks away." I've been struggling, mostly inwardly, occasionally outwardly with a select few people, struggling with the fact that my best friend is no longer my best friend. Not many people, well no one really, knows how much I had to open myself to be friends with him. It took a lot of courage for me to be as open as I was, and to allow myself to be myself around him. Right when our friendship peaked, he walked away. He walked away without saying goodbye, without an explanation, he was just gone. This has happened numerous times, but none have hurt as much as this one did. I attended a stake FHE activity tonight and I realized just how closed off I have become. I am afraid to open up again, I am afraid to let others see the real me because I don't want to go through the hurt again. I haven't been attending my own ward lately, because I feel that I don't belong, and I don't have any friends. My bishop saw me tonight and pulled me aside to talk to me. I told him I wasn't coming because I didn't have any friends, but that I would try to come back to the ward at the beginning of this coming year. I won't lie, just the thought of it scares me. I am worried that I'll make friends just to have them walk away, I'm worried that if I allow myself to open up to my current friends that they'll walk away too. It's a hard realization, and one that isn't very pleasant, but it's the truth. This is coming a few weeks early, but I think my "word" for 2015 is going to be accepting. Accepting of myself, and of others. I'm hopeful that come the new year my heart will have healed enough that I can accept the real me, and accept that not everyone is just going to up and walk out of my life. Here's to a better year!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-22524914541885197222014-11-30T20:08:00.000-07:002014-11-30T22:59:54.904-07:00a little thing called.. "thankful"oh hi there. i have a ton of homework to do. and i mean A TON! i finish school at uvu in 16 days. SIXTEEN! and i don't feel like i have enough time to finish everything i need to. so obviously it is smart to write on this blog post, while i listen to josh groban and bawl my eyes out. josh groban does that to me, makes me bawl, ya know.<br>
<br>
let's talk a little about thanksgiving. i would like a redo of thanksgiving. i had great plans for the week of thanksgiving, great, great plans. uvu didn't hold classes that whole week, which was lovely. on monday i got to babysit one of my favorite little girls in the whole world, and we made silly noises together and watched some christmas movies, okay i watched them while i also wrote a paper and sarah just colored on some of my other papers. then that night i went to fhe. for the first time in months i added a ward activity of my own. you guys, going inactive in my ward made me popular or something. that afternoon i got texts from two or three people asking me if i would be coming to the "thanksgiving dinner and auction". one was my visiting teacher, and one was a girl whom i talk to at church and church activities. when i got to the activity with savannah, i wanted to run. but i forced myself to stay. people who i don't usually talk to came and talked to me, people who wouldn't have known i was going to a different ward asked why i was going to a different ward. it was weird, and i left saying "apparently the way to get people to talk to you is to go inactive."<br>
<br>
tuesday, i taught preschool. we sang about pilgrims, and had our own feast. which included pickles, olives, oranges, string cheese, crackers, and oreos. then i went to work for the rest of the night. <br>
<br>
wednesday, i woke up early and went to the dentist where they found a crack in my tooth and fixed it with a filling. they had me in the same dentist chair i sat in when i was eight years old and had flipped off my bike resulting in losing my front two teeth. i stared at the walls, and listened to the dentist tools around me and almost lost it. then i went to work. <br>
<br>
thursday, thanksgiving day. i woke up and watched, or semi-watched the macy's thanksgiving day parade while i did homework. i did homework while my parents got pies and potatoes ready to take to my aunts. we haven't had thanksgiving with my aunts family for a number of years. i was looking forward to it. i was about to walk out the door when i decided i would be wasting valuable time if i didn't bring my homework with me. so i grabbed my backpack and left the house. we ate a wonderful meal, and when everyone was done and the dishes were cleared, i pulled my computer out and did homework for the rest of the night. i regret that decision so much now. i couldn't have just left the homework for later? i couldn't have just been able to live in the moment and enjoyed being with family? this semester has been a hard one. i go to school every day, and most days i come home and go straight to work, no- i don't even come home, i go straight to work. then i come home and go to bed so i can do it all over again. because of this i had to do homework on a day that should have been spent with out my face in the computer. but because of this i am more grateful for my family, and just the fact that i was able to see them.<br>
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this week the festival of trees begins, and i'm looking forward to it greatly. i firmly believe that the festival of trees is what helps me to bring the spirit of christmas into my life. i am hoping that i can put my stresses of school aside for one night as i volunteer and help raise money for primary children's hospital. <br>
<br>
and in the spirit of thankfulness...a few things i am thankful for<br>
first and foremost, my family. they mean more to me than i let on, and do more for me than i can ever pay them back for. for my extended family, and the opportunity over the past few years i have had to get to know them on a whole different level. back in october i spent the weekend at my cousin's house, which is something i count my blessings for every day. i am thankful for my friends. friends come and go, which i have a hard time dealing with. but i am grateful for each and every one of them the same. i am grateful for my coworkers, who assure me time and time again that i will make it through the next 2.5 weeks. i am thankful that they are willing to cover shifts for me, just so i can do some homework. i am grateful that i can call my coworkers my friends. i am thankful for visiting teaching. my visiting teachers have become such wonderful friends in my life, whom i will always cherish. i am grateful for the trials i have been having in my life. i know that is completely cliche, but it is true. i have grown in ways i didn't think was possible, and have overcome pain that i didn't know existed. i am grateful to know that i didn't have to go through those alone, which ultimately brings me to being thankful for the gospel. this year i have come the closest to living without the gospel as i ever have before. i am grateful to know that i can always go back, and i will always be loved by our heavenly father. i am so incredibly thankful for the happiness the gospel brings into my life. and to you, whoever is reading this, i am grateful for you!<br>
<br>
"Thankful" by Josh Groban:<br>
<span style="background-color: white;">"<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Somedays we forget</span></span><br>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">To look around us</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Somedays we can't see</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">The joy that surrounds us</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">So caught up inside ourselves</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">We take when we should give.</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">So for tonight we pray for</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we know can be.</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And on this day we hope for</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we still can't see.</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's up to us to be the change</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And even though we all can still do more</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">There's so much to be thankful for.</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Look beyond ourselves</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">There's so much sorrow</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's way too late to say</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I'll cry tomorrow</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Each of us must find our truth</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's so long overdue</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">So for tonight we pray for </span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we know can be</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And every day we hope for</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we still can't see</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's up to us to be the change</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And even though we all can still do more</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">There's so much to be thankful for.</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Even with our differences </span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">There is a place we're all connected</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Each of us can find each other's light</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">So for tonight we pray for</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we know can be</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And on this day we hope for </span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">What we still can't see</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">It's up to us to be the change</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And even though this world needs so much more</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><br style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">There's so much to be thankful for."</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-69933017803347100492014-11-17T22:13:00.003-07:002014-11-17T22:13:27.778-07:00runningwhen things start to go awry and i get that sinking feeling in my heart that life is about to throw something at me that i don't want to deal with. i do the one thing that i probably shouldn't do. i run. no not run like a marathon, run like run away. that sinking feeling hit me pretty strongly about three months ago. i was at a church event with some friends, some things were said/done that caused me to reconsider things. i wasn't happy, i was scared, and i wanted out. so i ran. i ran from my friends, and from my ward. after about two weeks of being gone i got a text from one friend saying "where have you been? i haven't seen you at church for awhile." i said i had been going to a different ward with a friend and explained what was going on. this friend told me "well...don't run for too long. your real friends that care about you are here." when she told me that, i had the urge to prove her wrong. (i'm stubborn like that) i went a good month or so before i heard from anyone in my ward. i went practically three months before i heard from any of those friends who supposedly cared. yesterday, when i was on my way to church (in the other ward) a car pulled up in my driveway. i was already in my car so i though, i can really run now. unfortunately the person in the car got out quicker than i could pull away. it ended up being my friend, she said "hi. it's been awhile. you should come back to our ward, especially for our thanksgiving dinner." it didn't feel genuine. it didn't feel real. i cried on my way to church that day, in part because of how i was feeling, and also because the song on the radio hit like a ton of bricks. i felt at that point my point had been proven. somewhere between things going awry and me running my friendships changed. i was hurt, but at the same time a bit relieved. i felt justified in my running. though i had a great sense of...loneliness, unwantedness (yes i know thats not a real word), and everything in between. <br />
the song that was playing on the radio at the time was "Refugees Among Us" by michael mcclain. the lyrics are as follows.. <br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">There are refugees among us</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">That are not from foreign shores;</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">And the battles they are waging</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Are from very private wars.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">And there are no correspondents</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Documenting all their grief,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">But these refugees among us all</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Are yearning for relief.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">There are refugees among us.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">They don't carry flags or signs.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">They are standing right beside us</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">In the market check out lines;</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">And the war they've been fighting</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">It will not be televised,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">But the story of their need for love</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Is written in their eyes.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To reach out and to hold</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">The evacuees from the dark.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To lead anguished souls </span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To safe harbors of the heart.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can you see through their disguises?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can you hear what words won't tell?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Some are losing faith in Heaven</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">'Cause their life's a living Hell.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Is there anyone to help those</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Who have no where else to flee?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">For the only arms protecting them</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">belong to you and me.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To reach out and to hold</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">The evacuees from the dark.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To lead anguished souls</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To safe harbors of the heart.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can you feel the pleas of the refugees</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">For safe harbors of the heart?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To reach out and to hold</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">The evacuees from the dark.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">This is a call to arms,</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To lead anguished souls</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">To safe harbors of the heart.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can you feel the pleas of the refugees</span><br style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, Pragmatica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">For safe harbors of the heart?</span><br />
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the first and fourth stanzas are the ones that hit me hardest. it was like every feeling in my heart was being said in song. i felt that i was left to face this on my own. i was hurt because i didn't feel like anyone was going to show up and help me. my ward does a great effort at getting inactive members or non members to come to church. i've been waiting for an invitation, any invitation for three months, and that didn't come until i had reached that inactive status. i know i'm not the most popular person in my ward, and i'm just fine with that. but at what point does no one notice that a very active person is no longer there. when is it okay that friends don't ask you how you're doing, or if you need anything. i learned a very important lesson on that fifteen minute drive to church. or now that i think about it, i learned two very important lessons on that drive.<br />
1st: running doesn't do you any good. i've spent the past three months waiting, longing, and hoping for someone to reach out to me. but i kept running, running, and running. really no one would have been able to catch me if they had tried. running helped me to focus on the pain of the hurt, but that was it. i spent three months hurting, and fighting the tears, because i was too stubborn to stop running.<br />
2nd: sometimes those that are facing the hardest battles are the ones right in front of us. i'm not saying that what i was facing was all that hard, in fact, in comparison to a lot of the world i was living a perfect life. i didn't feel that way at all. because i have felt that longing, hoping, and waiting feeling to have someone reach out and help me, i am hoping that i can be the person to reach out to someone else who is having those same feelings. we focus so much on those that don't have the blessings of the gospel we forget that those who do have the gospel still struggle. we need to keep our eyes opened to everyone around us, and if things seem a little...off or out of place we need to rescue them.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-83946556822430757662014-10-30T22:06:00.000-06:002014-10-30T22:06:29.056-06:00music, memories, momentsi have a lesson plan to write, a center plan to figure out, and about a million other things for school to do. i should probably be going to sleep because 5:30 is going to come awfully early. but this has been on my mind all week, so let's see how this goes...<br />
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i'm sure you've all seen this quote across this world wide web before.. "all it takes is one song to bring back a thousand memories." i am a firm believer in music. i seriously thrive on music. in the car, while i do homework, when i'm cleaning, and anytime in between. i can't handle silence. (which is something i should probably work on..) over the past few weeks i've realized just how true that quote really is. because of my love for music i have a ton of songs going through my head at any given moment. but when i hear a song that is connected with a memory, you'd think my brain shut down except for that one memory. the amount of emotions that are felt during a particular song is astounding. i can go from happy to sad in .2 seconds. mostly for me, i want to recount a few of the memories that come with certain songs, both happy and sad.<span id="goog_1479809013"></span><br />
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#1: 2012 by Jay Sean: It was the summer of 2012 (hah coincidence?) and there was a lot of change going on. I had to open myself up to meeting new people in the singles ward, and was feeling left out because my friends in the ward had found their own group and I couldn't find my way into the group. I became closer friends with my old roommate Whitney. We did something just about every night and created our own adventures. 2012 was often the song that we would play at full blast as we went on drives, especially after particularly rough night of trying to get "in" with the "cool kids". This song is full of...euphoria. Those nights, though some were rough, were some of my favorite summer nights ever.<br />
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#2: We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift: September 16, 2012. Two days before my 22nd birthday. Driving to Provo with Colby and Kaytlin for dinner and a birthday celebration with Alicia and her roommates. The number of times that song came on the radio was a little ridiculous and Colby singing along imitating Taylor Swift was even more ridiculous. This song usually makes me laugh, occasionally it makes me sad.<br />
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#3: Come Thou Fount: I have loved this song for a very long time. It is easily one of my favorite Hymns. (And the fact that I found it in one of our old hymn books made me ecstatic!) No matter what I'm going through it can instantly calm me down. I have one particular memory that is attached to this song... I was driving back to Ephraim with my cousin Kim one day, if my memory is right we were going back to school just after finding out her sister was going to have to go through another round of chemo, when we thought she had beaten cancer. Kim played a version of this song several times on the way down and I felt so much peace and knew that no matter what things were going to be okay.<br />
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#4: Home by Michael Buble: Whitney and I loved listening to Michael Buble in our room down in Ephraim when we wanted to escape everything else. One weekend I was struggling really bad, I'm pretty sure most of my roommates were gone and I was sitting in my room listening to this song on repeat for an entire night. I bawled for the better part of the night and just wished that some how it would transport me to my home. I have a hard time listening to this song anymore because it brings back so much saddness.<br />
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#5: Wannabe by Spice Girls: What girl that grew up in the late 90's early 2000's doesn't have a memory attached to this song. Though it isn't a singular memory this song just reminds me of my best friend Breanne, so happy memories all around.<br />
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#6: All The Small Things by Blink 182: Probably a ridiculous song to have a memory from 4th grade attached to it but...what the heck! My friend Jaci has THE best front porch in the world, at least for 4th graders. Often we'd choreograph dances to different songs and preform them on her front porch. This one was our favorite dance, and we worked so hard to learn the dance moves, pretty sure we were expert Blink 182 dancers!<br />
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#7: Royals cover by Alex Boye: This song has a very recent memory attached to it. Growing up, I didn't get to know some of my cousins very well because we lived so far from each other. I'm making up for lost time, and getting to know them better now. My cousin Tammi and I have formed a friendship that I will cherish forever. A few weeks ago she let me spend the night at her house because I was hanging out with friends in Provo and then watching her kids the next morning. Before I met up with friends I hung out with Tammi and her kids, we ended up going to the farm at Thanksgiving Point, and this song is one that we played on the way up there. Not only is the song excellent, but it just reminds me of Tammi and our friendship.<br />
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#8: Nearer My God To Thee: This song is the one that evokes so many crazy emotions in my heart and brain. There are only two people who will completely understand this one besides me... I can go from laughing, to crying, to feeling completely disappointed, then buoyed up by the Spirit in this song. The 2012 Fall Semester was a good semester of school for me. Every other day I met Alicia and Colby at the institute for a lovely hour of hang out time. One day it was just Colby and I at the institute building, at this point we were just starting to become really good friends. There was a girl playing the piano, and she played Nearer My God To Thee over and over and over again. Each time getting increasingly slower. All of the sudden Colby looked at me and said "The ship is sinking!" Then asked how bad it would be to flip the table over and run out of the room yelling that. (Titanic had just been re-released in theaters at this time as well....) Hence the laughter.. I can't help it, that image is engraven in my memory. Sadness...because of the laughter. Colby and I are no longer friends and I'm still in the "I miss my best friend" stage heavily. That moment was such a happy one that when I'm remembered of it, and then see where we currently stand I can't help but be sad. Disappointed, same reason as sadness. I feel like being buoyed up by the Spirit is an obvious one since it is a hymn. But it truly speaks volumes! (This was the hardest memory to write..by far)<br />
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We'll stop there for now. What are some songs that resonate with you?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-5070414287542742712014-09-01T17:49:00.000-06:002014-09-04T21:39:05.005-06:00Twenty ThreeOn the night of my twenty-third birthday I was told that 23 was going to be the best year of my life. Eight months later, I'm struggling to see how this year could be so great. Life is hard. It can be so easy to look past all the good and great things in life and only see the negative. I've been seeing A LOT of negative the past few days, so I'm changing that, right now. Between now and my birthday in September I want to compile a list of 23 of the best things that happened this year. I figure that is two things a month...which shouldn't be so hard, I will start the list now, writing sixteen things that have been great so far, and coming back each month to add to the list. I'm hoping that by doing this I will see the reality of this being the best year of my life...or at least seeing the good in it...<br>
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1. Celebrating my birthday with two amazing and wonderful people who made sure I felt extra loved and extra special that day.</div>
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2. Fulfilling a life long dream by attending the Rockies vs. Red Sox game in Denver, Colorado.</div>
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3. Taking a positive psychology class, finding my inner strength and seeing my inner courage come out.</div>
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4. Volunteering for two days at The Festival of Trees.</div>
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5. Starting a book club with 8 of the greatest people I've had to honor to meet.</div>
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6. Realizing that sometimes our dreams change slightly, and being okay with that.</div>
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7. ^^^ Finding my love for teaching is greater in Preschool.</div><div>8. Attending a live audience Studio-5 filming with Ashley!</div>
<div>9. Talks with my best friend.</div>
<div>10. Realizing that the love of family is amazing, and knowing that I have the greatest cousins makes life a bit better.</div>
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11. Making new friends in the singles ward.</div>
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12. ^^^ Said friends understand my humor and take my picture on crazy adventures in Moab.</div>
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13. Feeding the travel bug that lives in me, and leaving a piece of my heart in Arizona, at a café in Gilbert, with the hopes to return again.</div>
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14. Finding joy in a new hobby, maybe painting isn't so bad.</div>
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15. Sitting outside, on the lawn, enjoying the first taste of summer.</div>
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16. Spending time with my first ever friend (we have been friends since kindergarten), and learning so much from her. </div>
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17. An evening of sushi with friends who I hadn't seen in far too long.</div>
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18. Evenings in the park with great friends.</div>
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19. Getting a new job, that may fit my personality better than the photography job did!!</div>
<div>20. When a quick trip turns in to a 3 hour visit with my cousin and being able to talk about everything with her.</div>
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21. A trip to St. George with the greatest friends for another friends wedding, and being able to see my family while down there.<br>
22<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">. Becoming an aunt!!</span></div><div>And last, but not least</div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">23. Going to Hale Center Theater for my first time, with Becky, and learning that sometimes plays are fun "by yourself". </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I won't lie, life still doesn't feel super fantastic. I still don't think I can say 23 was the best year of my life, but it is fun to look back and think "oh yeah, that was a good moment!" Here's to year 24 and many more adventures!</font></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-52678319958141686652014-08-10T21:55:00.001-06:002014-08-16T06:46:59.168-06:00James Farrell Bell"a grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart." -unknown<br>
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On the morning of July 31, 2014 the world lost one of the greatest people I have ever known. My grandfather, James Farrell Bell returned home to our Heavenly Father and his loving wife who passed away before I was born. A week before my grandfather passed away he fell off the side of his bed while talking to my uncle, ever since then his health slowly declined. The Monday before he passed away I took my mom up to sit with him. I told myself I wasn't going to go in, but into his room I went. He just laid on his bed, with his eyes shut, not speaking a word. Which was rare, whenever you walked in to his room he would exclaim "Well! Look who's here!" The last words my grandfather spoke to me were "Where are you going?" as I left his room to go to work. I practically ran out of the care center so no one would see me bawling. We got the phone call at 3:00 am on the 31st, and in my mind I thought I should be crying. I didn't cry, not then, not later, not that whole day. A tear or two may have slipped out, but nothing that I was expecting. In the past, I haven't dealt with death extremely well. I understand and have a testimony of life after death, and that families are indeed forever, but I grieve sooo strongly. This time, I didn't. Anytime someone would ask if I needed something I said "No..I'm fine. Really, I'm a little nervous because I'm doing so well." His funeral was on Monday, August 4th. I walked into the mortuary prepared for a solemn, kind of sad, atmosphere. The moment I walked in I knew that the feeling of the funeral was going to be far from sad. I talked to my cousins Cassi and Bryan as the rest of the family walked through the viewing. We were talking and laughing and enjoying each others company. The funeral services themselves were beautiful. His children (my mom and her siblings) paid tribute to his legacy and all that he taught. The graveside services were beautiful as well. Growing up my family had large family reunions in Richmond, Utah every year around Memorial Day. My immediate family would go just about every year as well as my grandpa and grandma. Sometimes I would ride with my parents, sometimes with my grandparents. On the way up we would always play a game that my grandpa taught us, called "Beaver, beaver, white horse". The game was simple, you look out your window at all the fields you pass, if yous see a brown horse (or black or tan) you'd say beaver! and get a point. It was more exciting to see a white horse though, when that happened you had to be the first to exclaim "beaver, beaver, white horse!" and then you would receive 2 points. I think at some point I figured out which field would always have a white horse and I'd be on high alert to find that field! My grandpa was buried in Richmond, it had been a few years since I had been up there, and even longer since I had played this game. I instinctively found myself playing it when we neared the outskirts of Logan, it was so great to me to remember such wonderful memories at that specific time. I feel blessed beyond measure to have had the grandfather I did. Never did a visit with him go by when he didn't ask about school, and what my major was. Growing up he encouraged my love of reading, and I believe that is a part of why I read as much as I do and also why I want to teach, because he helped instill a love for learning in me. I am grateful for my grandfathers testimony and his firm belief in the gospel. I am grateful that he made sure his family knew that the church is true and taught us to never waiver from out beleifs. My grandfather was a giant of a man and I will miss him dearly but then I think of the joyful reunion I am positive he had in heaven and I know that his passing was what he needed. <div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvW55U-rWdUpxhF0uHmvFJ3jdVpl1dlkLW_5lmJFomYBPJ2gc1n6AjBFzzEIN0MDF7F95r2BwVHBREzaw3fe24Zrr_MZX9-l77EwwjjnroShBv8ZXRCb_krHKA4hhCLOo5NShG4G6eoZ8/s640/blogger-image-2090116201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvW55U-rWdUpxhF0uHmvFJ3jdVpl1dlkLW_5lmJFomYBPJ2gc1n6AjBFzzEIN0MDF7F95r2BwVHBREzaw3fe24Zrr_MZX9-l77EwwjjnroShBv8ZXRCb_krHKA4hhCLOo5NShG4G6eoZ8/s640/blogger-image-2090116201.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEher2r4jGiXbAMHv2qk4P4ijubZpRXK1qwNMTvtkpzNL3Kj7c1cfb3SzPUbEo1NSX1Cai6yd4bcLRZlnWZs0CvBfz07Nzxri5CjMyWCnJHZqsU_KjEVMD816vTvrXyU1Ts96iGPyB1HLNI/s640/blogger-image-288074033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEher2r4jGiXbAMHv2qk4P4ijubZpRXK1qwNMTvtkpzNL3Kj7c1cfb3SzPUbEo1NSX1Cai6yd4bcLRZlnWZs0CvBfz07Nzxri5CjMyWCnJHZqsU_KjEVMD816vTvrXyU1Ts96iGPyB1HLNI/s640/blogger-image-288074033.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMvwvSB320NiXNL3iAT3rKRz4Zu1KMSfpj3jz80rzvASQ5Gz0KZauBF-yrNzS7DESLD8Dgmuvwhj7huY9NNNC2fc5Q-QNRMS_uVyoHP1eM3FpNn_tVzpbyXzxXuWgzI9XNEPp0p91URao/s640/blogger-image--257148667.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMvwvSB320NiXNL3iAT3rKRz4Zu1KMSfpj3jz80rzvASQ5Gz0KZauBF-yrNzS7DESLD8Dgmuvwhj7huY9NNNC2fc5Q-QNRMS_uVyoHP1eM3FpNn_tVzpbyXzxXuWgzI9XNEPp0p91URao/s640/blogger-image--257148667.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzRZGyrZ6yM1txNxosjjfkT78LHPu7KKFdPv66N_C7-FRUL-UWuTm72wQEPum5xjaKq4B0AXOXdra-EebVwvR4WY-oGI9fPVc-9wdkBcCK5-d7FmjDRdT3lt6jb5p72Fc6jUH7Kac32wA/s640/blogger-image-145315305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzRZGyrZ6yM1txNxosjjfkT78LHPu7KKFdPv66N_C7-FRUL-UWuTm72wQEPum5xjaKq4B0AXOXdra-EebVwvR4WY-oGI9fPVc-9wdkBcCK5-d7FmjDRdT3lt6jb5p72Fc6jUH7Kac32wA/s640/blogger-image-145315305.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgcUMcINJTtlkEVYwOsoYSRBnM-IeKrc_LxPq-1Y_m4YFxRFiInk52Z8XDMdU787dWJUm1WxLcPRAyCHy3XwL3ucC8l5jkJHMrRnhPPhcaifriPrpC-tOLnxygINk_Z3HC0-Pb-Zow0eo/s640/blogger-image-1515535411.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgcUMcINJTtlkEVYwOsoYSRBnM-IeKrc_LxPq-1Y_m4YFxRFiInk52Z8XDMdU787dWJUm1WxLcPRAyCHy3XwL3ucC8l5jkJHMrRnhPPhcaifriPrpC-tOLnxygINk_Z3HC0-Pb-Zow0eo/s640/blogger-image-1515535411.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PjR5rVIvGr7eyVgmxE6fGjDGBeKkFCXPdCWtKRKkbcK8uHT1IE08X-lmUyxZoLlLsI6oCUX18EcHJiXdTLxYDCW5pe3bsFo5JBLjzhfklBumoIuA9KEObq73F8sMO27_IhUoAUt8x3g/s640/blogger-image--892406501.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PjR5rVIvGr7eyVgmxE6fGjDGBeKkFCXPdCWtKRKkbcK8uHT1IE08X-lmUyxZoLlLsI6oCUX18EcHJiXdTLxYDCW5pe3bsFo5JBLjzhfklBumoIuA9KEObq73F8sMO27_IhUoAUt8x3g/s640/blogger-image--892406501.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My mom (far right) and her siblings. </div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5wmjgteT8OlycHIYf7jTst14KsbpH8jKF4uGvzZySDdIUHMZsjTluE7LZv9SF8L9ZeBxEDzeVutUZmEk4QOdWm9nJksF-3fKyq-9_WistJxRDMcIMChu8oRetqMfLQmfbpAFnOPZuzAQ/s640/blogger-image-120372032.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5wmjgteT8OlycHIYf7jTst14KsbpH8jKF4uGvzZySDdIUHMZsjTluE7LZv9SF8L9ZeBxEDzeVutUZmEk4QOdWm9nJksF-3fKyq-9_WistJxRDMcIMChu8oRetqMfLQmfbpAFnOPZuzAQ/s640/blogger-image-120372032.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I just really love this picture...</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-60131291186511254022014-07-17T00:04:00.001-06:002014-07-17T00:04:37.833-06:00{st. george}at the end of last month i took a trip to st. george, I came home having been taught an invaluable lesson. I won't lie, I struggled on this trip...I was awry, grumpy, irritated, the list goes on. I tried not to be but I couldn't shake these emotions. It got particularly worse one evening, and I couldn't stand it. We were at Smith's buying groceries so I bought myself a small notebook and allowed myself to just write. I didn't expect what I wrote, and I certainly didn't expect the emotions that I would feel (or show). I knew apart of what was upsetting me was being away from my mom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not such a mama's girl that I can't be away from her, but she had foot surgery in March and she still wasn't walking very well and I felt like I was abandoning her. I prayed daily that she would be okay, that she would have the help she needed, and that I would be able to focus on the trip and not her. I called her every day, sometimes twice a day, to make sure she was okay and to make sure she want lonely. During that trip, I truly learned how much I love my mom. But that's not what I wrote about in my notebook (in order to understand things you needed to know that). Growing up I wasn't blessed to know most of my mom's family super well, most of us lived in separate states, and the visits were few and far in between. My Aunt Glorienne has always been like a second mom because we've always lived close to her, but I have always felt a large sense of love and admiration for my Aunt Farrelyn I couldn't tell you why, but I have. I didn't see her a whole lot in my growing up years, until she moved to Utah when I was a teenager did I start to see her more frequently. When I was planning the trip to St. George I knew seeing my aunt and uncle was something I desperately wanted to do, whether ,y friends came or not. I didn't know, until we pulled into her house, that it was actually something I needed to do. I jumped out of the car and practically ran into her house. Never has a hug from her meant so much, and felt so completely wonderful in my life. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My aunt filled the role of my mom for a few minutes as she supplied with the medical necessities needed to heal an injured knee. </span> Three of her kids were at home that night and I can't explain how great it was to see them. The part that got me, the part that I wrote about and further bawled my eyes out about was the chance I had to see my Uncle Gary. Over the past few years I have seen him more in my life than I ever had before. Each time I see him I feel as if our relationship increase an extra notch. This time was no different. When we got there he was busy in a conversation so after awhile he came over, kissed me on the forehead and we sat and had a nice conversation together. He always asks how school is going, and how much longer I have left. He always tells me how wonderful it is that I'm in school, and how proud he is. It was such a simple conversation, but it filled me with so much love and gratitude that I am able to now, get to know my aunt and uncle. I remember about two or three years ago my family had gone to St. George and I had ruined a dress that I had just purchased so we went to my aunts house to try and fix it. I had a short conversation with my uncle then, and upon returning home I called my aunt to thank her for her help during our phone call she said "I have something I want to tell you, something Uncle Gary said after you left...he said 'that Jana is something special, she is just so great. I certainly love her.'" I don't think words have hit me so hard, until this last trip as we sat together and talked. I obviously don't think this is what was making me feel grumpy, but I think my grumpiness was a way to get me to put pen to paper, so that I could remember and cherish that experience for years. I'm grateful I was able to have this experience and to feel such an abundance of love and support especially during a time I needed it.<div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-73439779742356385332014-07-16T23:25:00.001-06:002014-07-16T23:25:51.912-06:00Q:I don't know that I need this question answered, but I need to pose it...<div><br></div><div>Q: how do you let go of something that you know is holding you back, but at the same time it doesn't feel completely right to let go of?...</div><div><br></div><div>It's a tough one I tell ya....a real tough one...</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-88690615537268376192014-06-23T00:12:00.001-06:002014-07-16T23:22:13.134-06:00{weekend bliss}do you ever come off a weekend feeling so rejuvenated? having an extra sense of an "I can do this attitude" for the coming week?<div><br></div><div>I had a weekend like that this past weekend, and now I'm ready to face the world! </div><div>This weekend my good friend Megan got a group of us together to go to a Bee's baseball game. It was indeed the best way to celebrate the summer solstice, baseball, friends, fireworks, and sun! I was looking back at the pictures from the baseball game and started to bawl, a) because I saw a smile on my face that I felt like I had lost and b) I realized how lucky I am, and how truly blessed I have been.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I'm missing pictures of mine, Jessica and Laura's sushi adventure before the game, but let me tell you....it made us 10 times happier, I'm quite positive.</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JtDr3_8Xdk38CYobHPfcrqPCaPAx42h97TB0nZW6EclJxWQ7ju1JY0mjdRTY8kkhVFQHon5u2nb_FEnOkn5mQUVyIT4CQCsPwAy9Ys6lzwwRrOGLRaMu5nacVJkdjsrgkSV6G4dUYMQ/s640/blogger-image-1272729081.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JtDr3_8Xdk38CYobHPfcrqPCaPAx42h97TB0nZW6EclJxWQ7ju1JY0mjdRTY8kkhVFQHon5u2nb_FEnOkn5mQUVyIT4CQCsPwAy9Ys6lzwwRrOGLRaMu5nacVJkdjsrgkSV6G4dUYMQ/s640/blogger-image-1272729081.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Yes baseball!!</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wstXhxJGSP_pr5zJJkJAlvbS9T5AgxFFDBpk5CNCI3S9zosSkpSm6zbtNEqHqPB0JelBH5XDNKk6YGSv51ppYjwp3mcK17nJylRPiym9A73Wx9X4mLBFdItQlj4OkstQrqmXvask_iY/s640/blogger-image--1049131616.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wstXhxJGSP_pr5zJJkJAlvbS9T5AgxFFDBpk5CNCI3S9zosSkpSm6zbtNEqHqPB0JelBH5XDNKk6YGSv51ppYjwp3mcK17nJylRPiym9A73Wx9X4mLBFdItQlj4OkstQrqmXvask_iY/s640/blogger-image--1049131616.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Our lovely group</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAwq0Yeij2ZptwdWYvA7Tw4NeJYa-Mq11sDFflcS_IWzlj5-7RBQA-JWkktgpB5McBUbzHXk1hyGATH_qQn4uIcEarbDJltwtjC3rrMNONBdtLSERJVHnNxrQ4H62r4y2L_l9uk6Q-_NQ/s640/blogger-image--1436750124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAwq0Yeij2ZptwdWYvA7Tw4NeJYa-Mq11sDFflcS_IWzlj5-7RBQA-JWkktgpB5McBUbzHXk1hyGATH_qQn4uIcEarbDJltwtjC3rrMNONBdtLSERJVHnNxrQ4H62r4y2L_l9uk6Q-_NQ/s640/blogger-image--1436750124.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And another for good measure!</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyyW41jVmeYGZNunh9ngJOuiWwXoIe2Rod6DzW7-0CWNGz3fhQO81GCv7GJVaFFVl-sleu6Rdc5AcAkFKD8C2HFFskLvMkK3nudbm0p74zyPq4hS2_wM6EC-jmXOpOHM5g3KTmguJbthM/s640/blogger-image--1001991615.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyyW41jVmeYGZNunh9ngJOuiWwXoIe2Rod6DzW7-0CWNGz3fhQO81GCv7GJVaFFVl-sleu6Rdc5AcAkFKD8C2HFFskLvMkK3nudbm0p74zyPq4hS2_wM6EC-jmXOpOHM5g3KTmguJbthM/s640/blogger-image--1001991615.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My best friends little sister was on a date at the game and ended up sitting behind me, it was a highlight to get to see her!</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIfJBEAaHq53mqXNd0RGhJH82JYB1RwUbC66HcbCrp-12_MxAbDDj6HBTUrkHulJZ6PxcSuKzSHxTJi_nJoQSFuYSxoxO-cc6-M2ESgczhibCUjEvT9-ZHbQLa2y10rz8eguaf6kcax1I/s640/blogger-image--187124260.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIfJBEAaHq53mqXNd0RGhJH82JYB1RwUbC66HcbCrp-12_MxAbDDj6HBTUrkHulJZ6PxcSuKzSHxTJi_nJoQSFuYSxoxO-cc6-M2ESgczhibCUjEvT9-ZHbQLa2y10rz8eguaf6kcax1I/s640/blogger-image--187124260.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Fireworks!!</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTt_TP_7NuBM_vzXRwXFbdV3j3Xubj2t4lkWmaYYOdREotF9kQtlFW0RwVEaNtScifXuv0iyw98TtboZ8TjLPbHppE-Q5Y3kmtZ18ugz3Kwe_o8uTV_jCGhmgQqssvV_Dfd10cWdlz-e4/s640/blogger-image--1303676219.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTt_TP_7NuBM_vzXRwXFbdV3j3Xubj2t4lkWmaYYOdREotF9kQtlFW0RwVEaNtScifXuv0iyw98TtboZ8TjLPbHppE-Q5Y3kmtZ18ugz3Kwe_o8uTV_jCGhmgQqssvV_Dfd10cWdlz-e4/s640/blogger-image--1303676219.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhns69P01fWVI46u-8YI5qt9nyjihAL0o_qDmlWGvk7vpb6X7VQLEvDwNEFPBR21smSti9E8P6M3mVOf13OytMDzjYzZDdukDBIUeoIuTgEk_TippZLUdQvJr_VnXIDv7QFgVl99f_ff6I/s640/blogger-image--932145443.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhns69P01fWVI46u-8YI5qt9nyjihAL0o_qDmlWGvk7vpb6X7VQLEvDwNEFPBR21smSti9E8P6M3mVOf13OytMDzjYzZDdukDBIUeoIuTgEk_TippZLUdQvJr_VnXIDv7QFgVl99f_ff6I/s640/blogger-image--932145443.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Jessica and I</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTHTIU0RRuxssZyTqpjmYdmD8wX0s1-Cl1E69G_OY8hvCLqcfWZuloYuEOotTidkR_oSbWHeKvaiuzeu_D5PQJc1frxL0gd8ZCFlVOJHzzQ8blPshPzqLY8l41hEfmy4e85UD6ayYAkFA/s640/blogger-image--585994070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTHTIU0RRuxssZyTqpjmYdmD8wX0s1-Cl1E69G_OY8hvCLqcfWZuloYuEOotTidkR_oSbWHeKvaiuzeu_D5PQJc1frxL0gd8ZCFlVOJHzzQ8blPshPzqLY8l41hEfmy4e85UD6ayYAkFA/s640/blogger-image--585994070.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Me, Shelby, Jessica, and Megan (Lucia we missed you!!!)</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiry_bmSvsh-9uiO4e2qUKviapEHwSfLIkazUcPbkq1w8Whk0KsMLOwKzlXjwOV-WZXwNXoFFZx8XQFzYi3jnX_dv83Ma5VzzpRdqg57yepOpZU7BbBJp38qEORMMfDIy2kTwTQZZfCmNg/s640/blogger-image--1148013622.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiry_bmSvsh-9uiO4e2qUKviapEHwSfLIkazUcPbkq1w8Whk0KsMLOwKzlXjwOV-WZXwNXoFFZx8XQFzYi3jnX_dv83Ma5VzzpRdqg57yepOpZU7BbBJp38qEORMMfDIy2kTwTQZZfCmNg/s640/blogger-image--1148013622.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I just love Shelby!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-79032567288363416372014-06-16T23:23:00.002-06:002014-06-16T23:23:56.909-06:00{modesty}so i'm <s>98%</s> 100% positive that an LDS singles ward preaches the same thing that any other LDS ward teaches, with the exception that in the singles ward you hear a lot more encouragement to date and get married (of course). so with that being said, you'd think that the activities we participate should still follow along the same guidelines we learned before we turned 18, right?<br />
i don't really like to share opinions too much on this blog of mine, because i prefer to keep it as a journal. but after tonight, my little brain is so full of thoughts i thought.. "why not blog about it?!"<br />
in the LDS Church one of the biggest things we are taught is about modesty. many lessons in young women's were spent teaching us about modesty. after the past two weeks at fhe i feel like we threw those lessons at the door when we turned 18. i considered pulling out "for the strength of youth" (a pamphlet the church has for the youth, just stating some guidelines and giving advice) but instead, i turned to "True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference", which is basically like a church dictionary. it is fantastic! i forgot how much i love it! i looked up the word modesty it says... "Modesty is an attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If you are modest, you do not draw undue attention to yourself." it's pretty straight forward. there are several reasons why we believe we should dress modestly, but i really think it boils down to respect. respect for yourself and those around you. growing up, whenever we had an activity that involved water, where we would be wearing swimming suits, standards were set pretty high. one piece swimming suits (which back 8 years ago were still quite modest), tankini's if the top was long and you had shorts. that was that. bikini's were out. if the leaders felt that your swimsuit was a bit too revealing you were asked to put a shirt on. that was the rules for those young men and young women 12-18, and i'm sure it still is. my singles ward had a pool party last week for our "summer kick off". i won't lie, i was shocked to see the way that a good half of the girls came dressed. bikini's that consisted mostly of just three pieces of string, cover up sundress that didn't really cover anything up. it seemed as though everything we had been taught, and everything that we really believe in was thrown right out the window (or gate..). i was also a bit surprised that the leaders didn't say anything. yes we are all grown adults, but it is still a church activity, shouldn't we be representing what we believe wherever we are? i talked about this with my friend that was also in attendance at the pool party and she agreed. she said it was even too much for her, and she admitted to not always dressing the most modest.<br />
when did it become acceptable to throw this moral out the window? did it become okay the second you turned 18. does the rule not apply anymore?<br />
tonight was another shocker. we had a stake fhe and to end the "party" they had a dj come so that we could have a dance. it went from a pleasant evening where you felt comfortable talking to people, to a dance club in .2 seconds. i stood back from the "dance floor" a ways, with a girl i've only met one other time and we couldn't help but say "what...what is going on?" first, the music that was being played was far from anything that should have been acceptable. (remember part of being modest is language). but the thing that really got us, was the way the majority of the people were dancing. at one point they started a "line dance", which i'm guessing is new. i don't remember what the dj said it was called, but apparently our stake does it better than anyone he's ever seen. this, was not something we should have been proud of. all the dance consisted of was a line of people grinding. that's all. essentially the dj gave our stake the skank of the year award. when did that become acceptable? and it just continued on, and it didn't get much better. <br />
i know i've posed the question a lot already. but really...when did this become acceptable? it honestly goes against everything we were taught, and are still being taught. the world's moral compass is spiraling downward, and i've witnessed just what a difference it is making on members of the church. what are your feelings? should things become so lax just because we are "young single adults"? should the leaders have stepped in and said something? because i feel like they should have. call me a prude, but i just don't see how any of that was church appropriate...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-32345564794924490032014-05-18T21:20:00.000-06:002014-05-18T21:20:53.707-06:00Phoenix, Arizona<div style="text-align: center;">
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The universe doesn't want me to blog about my trip. I have seriously tried to get this post going four times now. Let's try this again. </div>
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2 months ago I went to Phoenix for Spring Break. Jessica and I flew into Phoenix Friday night, checked into our hotel room, went to Target, and then to Applebee's for dinner. Afterwards we crashed at the hotel and watched the Bachelor Finale. Saturday we ate breakfast at the cutest cafe, went to the Gilbert Temple, enjoyed a lovely Spring Training baseball game, Oakland A's vs. Texas Rangers. We went to the Phoenix Zoo, McDonalds for some Diet Coke, more crashing at the hotel. We went to the Mesa Temple and then drove around Mesa looking for a place to eat, then we went back to the hotel and watched Parks and Rec. Sunday we had a 10:00 flight home, we went to Einstein Bro. Bagel's for breakfast, stood in the security line at the airport for over an hour, and ran down the terminal only to watch the door to our plane close on our faces. So we spent 10 hours in the Phoenix airport, stood in line for about an hour trying to get new plane tickets, got put on standby for a 12:30 flight, and got the LAST two confirmed seats on an 8:00 flight, ate junk food and a real meal at Pei Wei, and only went a little crazy! </div>
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We went pretty much "adventure" free (aka we didn't get lost) the whole trip, so we decided that was why we missed our flight was so that we would have some adventure. It was a fun trip and I'm longing for Arizona again (and have been for the past two months)<br />
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Enjoy the pictures!!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My phone started playing this song the moment the plane took off from SLC</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finally got the window seat!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Hello Phoenix!</span></span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The trip was a bit stressful for Jessica's purse..</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"The Coffee Shop"</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hello bright red hair!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gilbert Temple</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, such gorgeous landscape!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baseball season!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who loves all of Jessica's mint matchiness?!?</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunsets... :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mesa Temple</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">5-ish hours into our 10 hour wait at the airport!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still smiling, we hadn't hit delusional quite yet..</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SO excited to have hit 10 hours and to be going HOME! A state of delusion was starting to set in... (The looks we received while taking this photo's was priceless!)</td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-11578671712191847702014-05-18T18:48:00.000-06:002014-05-29T22:21:40.727-06:00{prince charming}Today, I was sitting at my Grandma's house and I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post that my friend, Courtney, had shared. I read it, I fought back shouting for joy, followed by fighting back tears of appreciation, so folks... go <a href="http://thisisariannasblog.blogspot.com/2014/02/why-i-took-returned-missionary-off-my.html">here</a>, read the blog post, and then come back here.<br />
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Did you read it?</div>
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Now, lets have a chat, shall we.</div>
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I was much the same as the girl who wrote the above blog post when I was in young women's. Quite often "My List of Attributes I'm Looking For In A Future Husband" looked a lot like this...</div>
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Every. Single. Time.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGWnPETFdH_JIbUQlM9xG3Mt-0VNM-iN1ifJ-mzrErMBsIlin8Y-78GJKrka9ID6v5owJ3rjaM-CNF69166wtRDDAN4DZsKZrOpQhk1NR17SljWeGd85mef1h1bEBIqBaHJ4qZ9KOpMtE/s640/blogger-image--1302360252.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGWnPETFdH_JIbUQlM9xG3Mt-0VNM-iN1ifJ-mzrErMBsIlin8Y-78GJKrka9ID6v5owJ3rjaM-CNF69166wtRDDAN4DZsKZrOpQhk1NR17SljWeGd85mef1h1bEBIqBaHJ4qZ9KOpMtE/s640/blogger-image--1302360252.jpg" /></a></div>
Not much changed during those six years in young women's. My list stayed very much the same, and my list is still very much the same. Although, I don't have "<i>marry a returned missionary</i>" high on my list, if at all, anymore. Don't get me wrong, I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with marrying a returned missionary. I just know that it isn't everything. Sometime between graduating high school, moving to Snow College, and then moving home and starting school at UVU my perspective on the subject changed. I can't tell you when it changed, why it changed, the how it changed, is a little easier to discuss. </div>
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I had a friend in high school who to be honest, I did not think would serve a mission. Not that he was a bad kid, but I just never pictured him serving a mission. Graduation came and went, I moved, we still kept in contact. It was a few months after I had been at Snow that I heard from my friend, he texted me to tell me he was going on a mission. I could not have been more excited for him. I drove up from Ephraim to go to his homecoming, and was all ready to support him in his decision. This was in the early part of January. I think it was towards the end of January, I started to see things being posted on his Facebook, and I was really confused... "<i>Isn't he supposed to be in the MTC?"</i> I texted him, not really thinking I'd get a response, because hello..he was supposed to be on his mission. Surprisingly I go a response saying... "Um..yeah, I came home from the MTC, I'm not serving a mission." When I asked him why he didn't tell me he was home, the response was hurtful, and an eye opener. He said something like... "I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't want you to be disappointed." I responded with something along the lines of "I couldn't be disappointed in you, this was a personal choice." and then wittingly said "Well...I moved home from school early, so I guess we're in the same boat." (I thought at the time, people would think less of me for moving home.) We unfortunately, lost contact over the years, but I honestly believe this is why my perspective changed on wanting to marry a returned missionary.</div>
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I didn't think much of this topic until just a short time ago. I was (okay, I still am) in the singles ward. My friend Jill* was dating people left and right, I was just trying to make friends. I became friends with a wonderful guy, Ben* he was a few years older than me, and hadn't been on a mission. I didn't think a thing of it. He was quite honestly the nicest person I had met in a long time, and I loved our friendship. At one point Ben asked Jill on a date. I talked to Jill after their date, and asked her how the date went. Her response was shocking and I honestly could not believe what I was hearing. She said, "Jana, the date was amazing. Ben is seriously so great, I haven't been on such a good date in a while. I really like him. But it can't go anywhere, he didn't serve a mission. I'm only going to marry a returned missionary." I don't even remember what I said, but I'm sure all I could have mustered up would have been... "um....<i>okay..."</i> From that point on, she treated Ben completely differently, and was quite frankly a bit mean. I was hurt, that my friend would act in such a way. (Not that it matters whatsoever, but Ben just got back from serving a worthy, two year mission; people change!)</div>
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Just before the above experience, I had another experience that until today, I had forgotten about. I was riding the bus home from UVU one day, and it must have been crowded because I was sitting next to a slightly older (than me) gentleman, whom I didn't know. I remember I had been listening to my iPod, but this gentleman wanted someone to talk to so I took my headphones out, and had an incredible discussion. I don't remember it all, but I remember he asked me if I was LDS and when I said yes he asked me a question, that once I answered, I knew I was changed. The question this man posed was "Why, do you girls, only want to marry an RM? What makes that SO special" I thought about it, and this was what I came up with... from the moment we are old enough to understand what marriage is, we are told that we should marry a returned missionary. We are drilled with the idea of the "Happily Ever After" mentality. We want to marry our "Prince Charming" in our "Castle", we want the picture perfect Disney fairy tale life. To us, Prince Charming, is a returned missionary. In Young Women's we do write list's and list's of what we want our future husband to be like, and I think in some ways, we all write returned missionary on our lists because we don't want to be looked down on by the other girls. I told the man sitting next to me on the bus, that I no longer felt that way. Would marrying a returned missionary be nice? Of course! If I met someone, who I loved, and I knew they loved me, and I knew that they would take me to the temple, but he wasn't a returned missionary, would I let that change the way I felt? Nope. I saw what the pressure of serving a mission and returning home early did to people. We talked the rest of the way home, and when we got off the bus the man thanked me for my opinions and was really grateful for that insight. (FYI, this man was LDS, and he was married)</div>
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I've had cousins come home early from their missions for various reasons, I've had friends get their calls and never leave, I've had a friend get their call; decline it only to send his papers back in a few years later and go out to serve a full time mission. I've had family members and friends leave on their mission at a later time in life than most. I've seen people who I thought would make fantastic missionaries not serve a mission at all. </div>
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We don't know everyone's circumstances. Who are we to judge if they serve a mission or not. In the end, it comes down to their character anyways. A mission does not guarantee that they are going to be the picture perfect Prince Charming. If they are worthy to go to the temple, if they love the Lord, if they love YOU, shouldn't that be what matters? I'm grateful that "My List of Attributes I'm Looking For In A Future Husband" has been changed, and that because of that I too have been changed.</div>
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*Names have been changed...</div>
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** Please don't let this come across that I think Returned Missionaries aren't worth marrying, because I do. I think missionaries and returned missionaries are wonderful, and they each should be treated that way.</div>
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*** UVU did a fantastic study this past year on the effects of returning home early from a mission it was wonderful and SO eye opening go <a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865591983/LDS-missionaries-developing-strategies-to-cope-with-stress.html">here</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/UvuMormonResearch">here</a> to read more about their research. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-21892963156934641062014-04-27T22:20:00.000-06:002014-04-27T22:20:05.497-06:00I wanna be like you...<div style="text-align: center;">
In the LDS church, when a girl is between 12-18 years of age she attends Young Women's. I loved the Young Women program when I was growing up. As you can imagine, putting girls in that age range together and basically forcing them to be friends can be a bit dramatic at times. There were fights, there were hugs, there were camp outs, and inside jokes. As much as I loved the girls, I loved my leaders 10 times more. I usually hung out with my leaders more than I did the girls at activities. I couldn't tell you why, but I felt like that's where I belonged at times. </div>
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When I graduated from high school and was just about to move to Ephraim for school three of my leaders (two whom had moved away) took the time out of their day to take me to dinner, and send me off to school with well wishes and wonderful advice. That was something I did, and still do cherish dearly.</div>
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I remember once in high school my friends and I had planned to go to a University of Utah gymnastics meet, but my friends forgot to come and get me. So a few weeks later I went to a different gymnastics meet with two of my young women's leaders. I look back on that day, and laugh but it is also something I am grateful for.</div>
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But the reason I am writing this post, is because my heart has been so full of gratitude over the past few days for one of my leaders who turned out to be one of my greatest friends. </div>
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Her name is Kristin....</div>
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I can't even tell you at what point in Young Women's she became a leader, but it was towards the end of my time in young women's. She helped me a lot in high school, especially during my senior year. I struggled with friends during my senior year. I struggled really bad. I clearly remember one night I was with some friends, and I just wanted to go home. For some reason I didn't leave, I just sat there and endured the evening. During the evening I would text Kristin, at this point I don't remember what our conversation was about, or what she told me, all I remember is I felt like I had someone I could turn to. </div>
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Kristin encouraged me to participate in school activities, including giving me the money to attend our senior dinner dance because she knew I would regret it. Was it a life altering event? No, definitely not. Am I glad I went? Yeah, I actually am. But that moment in time is more significant to me because it showed the love Kristin had for me. </div>
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I moved away to Snow... I loved Snow. I loved my roommates. However, there were times when I needed to not be with my roommates. I distinctly remember one night when I was so frustrated with my roommates. I needed to get away, and spend time alone. I walked outside, to the gazebo on the side of our apartment complex, and the next thing I knew...I had dialed Kristin's phone number and I was sitting there having a conversation with her, telling her about the dumb things my roommates were doing or whatever the problem was. Again, I don't remember the details of the conversation, I just remember feeling so blessed to have someone to talk to.</div>
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When I moved home from Ephraim, Kristin gave me one of the most amazing opportunities in the world. She trusted me with her adorable little boy, and I soon became known as "the favorite babysitter". I'd play with her son while she went into her work for a few hours, and by the time she got home, he was usually asleep and I was able to sit and talk with Kristin. </div>
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Kristin knows about all my awkward singles ward events, she encourages me to keep going to the ward even when I think it's lame (although she's recently been trying to get back to the home ward...) Although she says she is a billion years older than me, I don't feel that way when I spend time with her. I went to her son's t-ball game on Thursday, which is where this post stemmed from. We sat and chatted the whole game, in fact, I'm pretty sure we missed most of the game. She understands my love and my yearning for traveling. She encourages it, and keeps reminding me that "one day" I'll make it to the places I want to visit. I am constantly amazed at the things that she remembers from past conversations. I am constantly feeling so blessed that a leader became one of the greatest friends I could have ever asked for. </div>
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I tell her this frequently, mostly in reference to her going to every play/musical ever made, but...</div>
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I want to be like her when I grow up. I want to be a loving, kind, generous, out-going, spiritual, all around wonderful person. I want to be able to be an example to someone like she has been to me. I may not remember every lesson she taught us on Sunday's and I certainly don't remember every conversation we've had. But I know I will always remember how much love I felt when I was around her, and how much it meant to me that she would take them time to listen to a crazy 18 year old complain about her ridiculous (at times) roommates. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-30940760125995840622014-04-13T16:31:00.001-06:002014-04-13T16:31:09.779-06:00Visiting TeachingIn the LDS church the women are a part of a wonderful organization called the Relief Society. Just as the name suggests it is an organization set up to bring people together, to offer each other strength and love. You begin attending Relief Society at the age of 18. One of the biggest things the Relief Society does is Visiting Teaching. You are given a companion and a list of women whom you visit at least once a month. It may seem that it is just an assigned friend, and at times to some, it may seem that way. I started attending Relief Society when I moved to Snow College, I never once saw a visiting teacher. When I moved home and began attending the singles ward, I was given two visiting teachers and received an assignment to do visiting teaching as well. I loved my visiting teachers and it was nice to know that I had a friend in the ward, even if it was just someone to sit with at church. Over the years I've had a de companions and I've visited with a number of wonderful women, but there'd haas been one companion that became my "instant best friend" as it's sometimes called. <div><br></div><div>I won't lie, when I got the little slip of paper saying that Hilary was going to be my new companion I was a bit intimidated. I didn't know Hilary all that well, and I wasn't really sure that we'd be able to really become friends. At first I struggled with wanting to go on our monthly visits. But soon, I looked forward to them. I enjoyed spending time with Hilary and I loved getting to know the girls we taught a little better each month. All too so on our companionships were changed but I still stayed friends with Hilary. I began spending time with her and her roommates and they accepted me as a "fake" roommate. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday, Hilary was married in the Idaho Falls temple. I was thrilled that she invite me to come to Idaho to be there outside the temple and for the reception. I am grateful for the visiting teaching program, it truly is a blessing in the lives of the women in the church. I am grateful that I was able to find an "instant friend" through it.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK1jZeewvhMElYflQsuj2O28Eym-w5Rvud7wYTUA2tWRvbJFFthJZdwe3YXEUF9bnmHtJzeW-l9O-m_o1_4Dy5OyEgKW9iJmtcP85Jxe3vTr_N2AzPEJUtgj9h_gz-FC8C-eQdS5OAbwE/s640/blogger-image--758118998.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK1jZeewvhMElYflQsuj2O28Eym-w5Rvud7wYTUA2tWRvbJFFthJZdwe3YXEUF9bnmHtJzeW-l9O-m_o1_4Dy5OyEgKW9iJmtcP85Jxe3vTr_N2AzPEJUtgj9h_gz-FC8C-eQdS5OAbwE/s640/blogger-image--758118998.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-30602295868711689162014-04-06T21:25:00.000-06:002014-04-06T21:25:31.229-06:00{friends}<div style="text-align: center;">
i was going to tell you guys all about my recent trip to phoenix, but then... i saw this picture, and i was overwhelmed with so much gratitude that phoenix went out the window.</div>
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do you have friends that you just don't really remember how you actually became friends? </div>
<span id="goog_883037622"></span><span id="goog_883037623"></span>that's the case with the four ladies in this picture. we were all in the same ward at some point but that's all i could tell you. i don't really know how i came to be friends with any of them.<br />
but with that aside, i love each and everyone of them so much. each has made an impact in my life in some shape or form, and i am so grateful that they are a part of my life.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473652319922364875.post-22679000256137712542014-03-05T18:50:00.001-07:002014-03-05T18:51:57.802-07:00Gratitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I feel like I've been avoiding my blog again.</div>
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Usually when I blog, I'm either writing about something great that's happened or venting.</div>
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Lately I've been noticing that I'm focusing a lot on the things that have gone wrong, and the what if's in life, instead of just enjoying it.</div>
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I went to FHE on Monday, by myself, not knowing if anyone that I knew would be there.</div>
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I sat down in an open seat, and hoped for someone to come sit next to me. People came in, but never sat by me. They grabbed chairs and would squeeze in to another crowded row. I won't lie and say that things go better. They didn't. I really just sat there and almost started crying. I wanted to meet new people, but thought "what's the point."</div>
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I texted my good friend Lucia and said </div>
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"Remind me why I chose to use 'brave' as my resolution for the year?"</div>
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Being the ever so amazing person that Lucia is she responded with the exact response I needed to hear.</div>
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I pushed on for a bit longer, but then I just couldn't take it.</div>
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As I was walking out the door someone said </div>
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"Bye Jana, thanks for coming!" </div>
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Somehow that really pushed me over the edge. Something about them just saying goodbye and not coming over and saying hi.. I don't know. </div>
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I bawled for the whole 5 minute drive home and then pulled myself together quickly.</div>
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After that though, I really started to realize how much I'd been spending focusing on the negative and the sad.</div>
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Which made me even more sad. I really do have SO much to grateful for, and SO many people to be grateful for.</div>
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And then I realized, there are some pretty amazing people who haven't been talked about enough on this blog, and I decided the best way to get out of this funk is to talk about how grateful I am for them.</div>
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I've only talked about them once, which is a shame.</div>
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The people I speak of are the members of one of the book clubs I am in. </div>
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(You may laugh at the fact that I'm in a book club, but it's the best thing in the world!)</div>
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The members of this book club are all wonderful people I've met through church. </div>
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There's Lucia, Shelby, Jessica, Laura, Marc, Melissa, Ethan, and Hilary. </div>
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They really are just the best people you'll ever meet.</div>
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Our little book club meets once a month. We discuss the book we read the previous month in depth, and we usually end up getting sidetracked and talking about our lives for awhile instead of the book.</div>
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I have known most of these people well before our book club started. </div>
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And I'd always considered them friends, or casual acquaintances.</div>
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But now, they're the people who I look forward to seeing each month. </div>
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When I was at my lowest on Monday night, I felt so grateful that Lucia understood what I was going through, and that I felt like I could talk to her. Just about a year ago we were just church friends and instagram friends. That's when I realized, that I needed to stop dwelling on those sad things in life. So I've lost a few of my best friends this year, I've become better acquainted with eight different friends who life me up more than they know. </div>
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Life lesson: When you feel like you're alone, join a book club. The members of that book club will quickly become very important in your life.</div>
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And now... here's a glance at book club.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDf4WO2EPOfwyIgKtVWy6ciPBfXk4YAfsMcZlbTo0hulPhsxpgiwCim4VR9fP6T6w6SOZsELXcFot0njNhVLP3CKZmVy_6H2P1I8sDa0pu1hbAahoA7sg_sMOLeX-esj3sLQPLrwnAdE/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDf4WO2EPOfwyIgKtVWy6ciPBfXk4YAfsMcZlbTo0hulPhsxpgiwCim4VR9fP6T6w6SOZsELXcFot0njNhVLP3CKZmVy_6H2P1I8sDa0pu1hbAahoA7sg_sMOLeX-esj3sLQPLrwnAdE/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laura, Lucia, Jessica, Marc, Shelby, Melissa, Me. (Hilary couldn't make it, and Ethan was late)<br />
We obviously value book club so much that we include out of town members via Google Hangout. </td></tr>
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