{avoidance}

i must confess.  i have been avoiding this blog of mine.  i open blogger almost daily and think 'hm...maybe i should write something..' and then i immediately exit out of blogger.  why?  truth be told, i don't know really.  my life hasn't exactly been exciting the past few weeks.  being cooped up in my house is starting to take its toll on me.  big time.  i've exhausted myself with all the tv shows i've watched on netflix.  reading has lost its entertainment value.  i fear i'm starting to become one of those crazy people who talk to themselves, and answer back.  the first few weeks of being home wasn't so bad because my family was home.  and they weren't sick of me at that point :).  now, everyone has gone back to work, so i'm completely alone for much of the day.  although i am able to get around much, much better, there are still certain things i can't do on my own.  i can't really fix my own meals, since i can't really hold anything while holding crutches.  if my crutches are anywhere besides right next to my bed i need help getting them.  i've struggled having to ask for help with every little thing.  and feeling like all i do is take, take, take, and can't give anything in return.  i was hoping school would be a nice distraction, but there hasn't been too much work, yet.  weekends have been hard.  weekends have usually been spent cleaning for most of the day.  but it seems like ever since i had my surgery my family has been going out and doing fun things, like shopping all day.  i miss my friends, i miss being able to do things with them, things that don't include sitting on my bed. i miss the bus rides.  i miss having a routine that i had to keep to. i miss going to church, a lot.  four more days and i'll get the news as to whether i can start walking or not.  i'm really crossing my fingers the answer is yes, because i'm not sure i can take this much longer.