Gratitude

I feel like I've been avoiding my blog again.

Usually when I blog, I'm either writing about something great that's happened or venting.

Lately I've been noticing that I'm focusing a lot on the things that have gone wrong, and the what if's in life, instead of just enjoying it.

I went to FHE on Monday, by myself, not knowing if anyone that I knew would be there.

I sat down in an open seat, and hoped for someone to come sit next to me.  People came in, but never sat by me.  They grabbed chairs and would squeeze in to another crowded row.  I won't lie and say that things go better.  They didn't.  I really just sat there and almost started crying.   I wanted to meet new people, but thought "what's the point."

I texted my good friend Lucia and said 

"Remind me why I chose to use 'brave' as my resolution for the year?"

Being the ever so amazing person that Lucia is she responded with the exact response I needed to hear.

I pushed on for a bit longer, but then I just couldn't take it.

As I was walking out the door someone said 

"Bye Jana, thanks for coming!" 

Somehow that really pushed me over the edge.  Something about them just saying goodbye and not coming over and saying hi.. I don't know. 

I bawled for the whole 5 minute drive home and then pulled myself together quickly.

After that though, I really started to realize how much I'd been spending focusing on the negative and the sad.

Which made me even more sad.  I really do have SO much to grateful for, and SO many people to be grateful for.

And then I realized, there are some pretty amazing people who haven't been talked about enough on this blog, and I decided the best way to get out of this funk is to talk about how grateful I am for them.

I've only talked about them once, which is a shame.

The people I speak of are the members of one of the book clubs I am in. 

(You may laugh at the fact that I'm in a book club, but it's the best thing in the world!)

The members of this book club are all wonderful people I've met through church. 

There's Lucia, Shelby, Jessica, Laura, Marc, Melissa, Ethan, and Hilary. 

They really are just the best people you'll ever meet.

Our little book club meets once a month.  We discuss the book we read the previous month in depth, and we usually end up getting sidetracked and talking about our lives for awhile instead of the book.

I have known most of these people well before our book club started.  

And I'd always considered them friends, or casual acquaintances.

But now, they're the people who I look forward to seeing each month. 

When I was at my lowest on Monday night, I felt so grateful that Lucia understood what I was going through, and that I felt like I could talk to her.  Just about a year ago we were just church friends and instagram friends. That's when I realized, that I needed to stop dwelling on those sad things in life.  So I've lost a few of my best friends this year, I've become better acquainted with eight different friends who life me up more than they know.  

Life lesson:  When you feel like you're alone, join a book club.  The members of that book club will quickly become very important in your life.

And now... here's a glance at book club.

Laura, Lucia, Jessica, Marc, Shelby, Melissa, Me.  (Hilary couldn't make it, and Ethan was late)
We obviously value book club so much that we include out of town members via Google Hangout.