Thursday, July 17, 2014

{st. george}

at the end of last month i took a trip to st. george, I came home having been taught an invaluable lesson.  I won't lie, I struggled on this trip...I was awry, grumpy, irritated, the list goes on.  I tried not to be but I couldn't shake these emotions.  It got particularly worse one evening, and I couldn't stand it.  We were at Smith's buying groceries so I bought myself a small notebook and allowed myself to just write.  I didn't expect what I wrote, and I certainly didn't expect the emotions that I would feel (or show).  I knew apart of what was upsetting me was being away from my mom.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not such a mama's girl that I can't be away from her, but she had foot surgery in March and she still wasn't walking very well and I felt like I was abandoning her.  I prayed daily that she would be okay, that she would have the help she needed, and that I would be able to focus on the trip and not her.  I called her every day, sometimes twice a day, to make sure she was okay and to make sure she want lonely. During that trip, I truly learned how much I love my mom. But that's not what I wrote about in my notebook (in order to understand things you needed to know that).  Growing up I wasn't blessed to know most of my mom's family super well, most of us lived in separate states, and the visits were few and far in between.  My Aunt Glorienne has always been like a second mom because we've always lived close to her, but I have always felt a large sense of love and admiration for my Aunt Farrelyn  I couldn't tell you why, but I have.  I didn't see her a whole lot in my growing up years, until she moved to Utah when I was a teenager did I start to see her more frequently.  When I was planning the trip to St. George I knew seeing my aunt and uncle was something I desperately wanted to do, whether ,y friends came or not.  I didn't know, until we pulled into her house, that it was actually something I needed to do. I jumped out of the car and practically ran into her house.  Never has a hug from her meant so much, and felt so completely wonderful in my life. My aunt filled the role of my mom for a few minutes as she supplied with the medical necessities needed to heal an injured knee.  Three of her kids were at home that night and I can't explain how great it was to see them.  The part that got me, the part that I wrote about and further bawled my eyes out about was the chance I had to see my Uncle Gary.  Over the past few years I have seen him more in my life than I ever had before.  Each time I see him I feel as if our relationship increase an extra notch.  This time was no different.  When we got there he was busy in a conversation so after awhile he came over, kissed me on the forehead and we sat and had a nice conversation together.  He always asks how school is going, and how much longer I have left.  He always tells me how wonderful it is that I'm in school, and how proud he is. It was such a simple conversation, but it filled me with so much love and gratitude that I am able to now, get to know my aunt and uncle.  I remember about two or three years ago my family had gone to St. George and I had ruined a dress that I had just purchased so we went to my aunts house to try and fix it.  I had a short conversation with my uncle then, and upon returning home I called my aunt to thank her for her help during our phone call she said "I have something I want to tell you, something Uncle Gary said after you left...he said 'that Jana is something special, she is just so great.  I certainly love her.'" I don't think words have hit me so hard, until this last trip as we sat together and talked. I obviously don't think this is what was making me feel grumpy, but I think my grumpiness was a way to get me to put pen to paper, so that I could remember and cherish that experience for years. I'm grateful I was able to have this experience and to feel such an abundance of love and support especially during a time I needed it.

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