Sunday, January 8, 2012


life is feeling a little hard right now.
school is starting tomorrow, and i am having a bit of a panic attack.  it always happens the night before classes start.  it's not that i'm nervous for school really, but i am...
i feel as though i am lost.
i used to have a great group of friends, we did things often, and seeing them made my day, always.  that all changed almost a year ago. so i found myself some new friends, but it just isn't the same anymore.  i hung out with two of those friends from the first group on friday night. we didn't do anything but sit and talk and laugh.  i came home so happy. so blissfully happy, and it was great.  i miss them.  i miss that feeling SO bad.
i keep telling myself that things will get better, and i just need to fake it till i make it.  i think i've been faking for too long.  it's not getting better.  it seems like it may be for 5 minutes, but after those five minutes i realize that nothing has changed. i feel like everyone around me is just putting on an act and pretending that they want me to be included in their activities.
i've told myself i need to do something to change this. find new friends, talk to the friends who are doing this, even just avoid having a social life for a while. so far nothing.
so for now... well for now, i will continue to pray that things will change. i will delve into my school work harder than i ever have before. and i will count my blessings, daily. starting now.

  • i have the gospel in my life, "strength beyond my own"
  • my family loves me
  • i can count on emails to make my day, anytime i need a little upliftment
  •  i have a roof over my head
  • clothes on my back
  • i am still in contact with some of my best friends from elementary school
  • the weather has been lovely
  • i am alive (that should be enough to make a person happy all the time..)
  • i am able to accept that crying is okay, it helps the healing process

1 comment:

  1. You know, I understand in my own way how you feel. Sometimes I wish for my friends from high school/ first year of college to come back and have the fun times like we used to. I know living where I do now makes me pretty isolated from friends and some of my family. Lets face it, I am not the bubbly type to just go out and make new friends, so its partly my own fault. It still gets lonely even though I'm happily married, you still definitely need friends, and the ones you feel comfortable around, the ones you can tell anything too. I don't even know if michael can count on his fingers how many times I've complained about not having friends/missing hanging out . Life changes very quickly and you have to just keep on moving forward, and treasure the good times you had and the ones to come.