school is starting tomorrow, and i am having a bit of a panic attack. it always happens the night before classes start. it's not that i'm nervous for school really, but i am...
i feel as though i am lost.
i used to have a great group of friends, we did things often, and seeing them made my day, always. that all changed almost a year ago. so i found myself some new friends, but it just isn't the same anymore. i hung out with two of those friends from the first group on friday night. we didn't do anything but sit and talk and laugh. i came home so happy. so blissfully happy, and it was great. i miss them. i miss that feeling SO bad.
i keep telling myself that things will get better, and i just need to fake it till i make it. i think i've been faking for too long. it's not getting better. it seems like it may be for 5 minutes, but after those five minutes i realize that nothing has changed. i feel like everyone around me is just putting on an act and pretending that they want me to be included in their activities.
i've told myself i need to do something to change this. find new friends, talk to the friends who are doing this, even just avoid having a social life for a while. so far nothing.
so for now... well for now, i will continue to pray that things will change. i will delve into my school work harder than i ever have before. and i will count my blessings, daily. starting now.
- i have the gospel in my life, "strength beyond my own"
- my family loves me
- i can count on emails to make my day, anytime i need a little upliftment
- i have a roof over my head
- clothes on my back
- i am still in contact with some of my best friends from elementary school
- the weather has been lovely
- i am alive (that should be enough to make a person happy all the time..)
- i am able to accept that crying is okay, it helps the healing process