Breaking

My heart is breaking tonight, as it has been for the past day.

It has been a few years since I have felt pain this strongly.

I have cried more tears in the past 24 hours, than I thought I had left in my body.

When I got home from school yesterday my mom was on the phone with my aunt.

She had that tone of voice, that you could just tell something was not right.

I assumed it was something with my grandpa because he has been in the hospital for a week or so due to health complications and a broken hip.

She got off the phone and I asked her what was wrong,

I could feel the tears building up inside already, yet I didn't know why.

Then she broke the news..

"Jana... Lucy was killed in a car accident today."

my response... *throwing my hands down* "WHAT?!?! NO!!!" and immediate tears.

I was in complete shock, how could my cousin be gone.

It still doesn't feel completely real.

I wasn't super close to her, but I remember growing up and having her come and visit us.

Since it was the '90's crimped hair was all the rage,

I remember her coming to visit and crimping mine and my sisters hair so we looked like her.

I have cried, a lot,

and asked "Why?" a bajillion times.

I still don't understand why she had to go,

but as I have said before, 

"Everything happens for a reason."

Prayers have been said, and continue to be said for her adorable little family.

I am beyond grateful for the Plan of Salvation 

and the beautiful beautiful knowledge I have eternal families, and the fact that we are an eternal family.

As hard as these past 24+ hours have been, they have been made easier knowing that we will be able to see her again.

When I saw this picture I told my mom I was definitely a child of the '90's.  Rockin' those tube socks like no one's business!

As I sat here typing this up,

I was immediately reminded of a song that was played at my other cousin's viewing a few years ago,

the lyrics have always struck a cord with me,

but today, as I listened to them, they hit me with another round of emotions

Sissy's Song

by: Alan Jackson

Why did she have to go

So young I just don't know why

Things happen half the time

Without reason without rhyme

Lovely, sweet young woman

Daughter, wife and mother

Makes no sense to me

I just have to believe 

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels

By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees

And she walks with Jesus and her loved waiting

And I know she's smiling saying

Don't worry 'bout me.

We don't know why she was taken from this earth life at this time.

And it truly makes no sense to me,

but in the end,

I know that it will be alright.

It is just going to take some time.

And some tears shed.

Please, 

pray for my cousins sweet family at this time.

Her children are in need of all the love and support possible,

I can't even imagine how hard this is for them.

"When sore trials come upon us, it’s time to deepen our faith in God, to work hard, and to serve others. Then He will heal our broken hearts. He will bestow upon us personal peace and comfort. Those great gifts will not be destroyed, even by death.”

—Russell M. Nelson