Tonight I voiced a thought, out loud, that has needed to be voiced for months. As I was leaving my friends house after book club, I simply said "I'm done, I am letting it go." (Cue the Frozen music, I kid I kid)
You see I have this friend, some have said we were best friends. A few months ago our friendship started to spiral down. First it was because he bailed on plans we made, and it just continued from there. For months I have been having an internal battle as to what I should do. I didn't want to walk away, I wanted to keep my best friend, he gave me hope that somehow our friendship would rectify itself by saying I was one of his best friends and he didn't want to do anything to ruin that, followed by an apology. But then there was the part that was tired. Tired of investing SO much and getting so little in return. I finally convinced myself that I couldn't handle it anymore. I have this problem where I care too much, I was definitely well in over my head as far as caring went. So I tried not to care too much. It helped, but only for a few days, every now and again something or someone would remind me of this friend and I'd start to feel bad for not caring. Tonight though, voicing it, saying "I'm done, I can't take it anymore." was like taking a deep sigh. Do I still care for my best friend? Certainly. Do I miss him? For sure. Is that going to change? Probably not. But at least for now I can say I am done and not feel guilty about it.