Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"Don't Blink"

"Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think
So don't blink..." -Kenny Chesney 'Don't Blink'

In this song, it says "trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think.." well let me tell you, a year goes by faster than imaginable. If you were to ask me what I was doing, exactly one year ago today. I could tell you, every single detail of the day, I could tell you every single emotion I was feeling.

One year ago, at 5:00 p.m. I was sitting in the Snow College library, on the 2nd floor. I was sitting with my Communications group, trying to plan a presentation that was to due within the week. Sorry, I've gotten ahead of myself a bit.

Let me back up really fast... earlier in the day, one year ago, I, along with my cousin Kimber, and our two roommates Whitney, and Courtney took a drive up Ephraim Canyon in search of some marshmallow roasting sticks, you see, we were in charge of FHE that night. While Kimber was cutting sticks, and getting them prepped, Courtney, Whitney, and I took a lovely walk around an absolutely gorgeous lake, I felt like nothing could go wrong...life was good. On our way down the canyon Kimber got a phone call from her mom, informing her and myself that our Grandfather had passed out at his home and was being rushed to the nearby hospital. Kimber asked if we should come home, we were told no, that at the moment it wasn't necessary. I immediately called my dad and informed him about what was happening, because I knew he should know. After that, we went on with our normal college lives. I went about homework, and Kimber went ot her boyfriends house.

Now back to where I began. The library. I had only been there a few moments when my cell phone rang. It was my mom. I excused myself and answered it, the first thing she said was "Jana, you need to go get Kim and come home." I kept saying "Mom, I can't...I can't.. I am in a meeting, and Kim isn't around." My mom then preceded to tell me that my Grandpa had passed away, and we needed to get home. At that moment, my heart dropped. I walked, what at the time seemed fast, but looking back was slow, back to the table where my belongings were, told my group I had to leave because my grandpa had just died and I needed to get back to Sandy. So I left the library, called Kim, she had already heard, and was on her way back to the apartment. I got to my apartment after an antagonizing long walk, and grabbed a duffel bag full of clothes. And then, we were off. With a quick stop in Nephi for a "Grandpa Dinner" (Taco-Time) we probably made it home in record time, I wasn't paying attention to time, I was still in shock.
Later that night, I believe it was around 7:00, my whole family gathered at my grandma's house. I remember getting there after most had gotten there, so there wasn't a lot of room left. I went and I sat on the floor in front of Kimber, I leaned up against her, and sat there, wanting to cry, but I had cried so much I couldn't gather anymore tears.
Kimber and I made the trek back down to Ephraim on Tuesday, we needed to be back for our classes on Wednesday. We would be back to Sandy on Thursday. The grandchildren were asked to share our memories of Grandfather at his funeral. I spent quite a bit of time trying to gather up memories of my childhood, or recent events, but I had a hard time doing so. I was sitting outside my apartment complex, taking in the cold Ephraim air, hoping something would come to mind. While I was sitting there, on the verge of tears, my neighbor came up and talked to me, he helped me realize some things that I may have overlooked. On Wednesday, I didn't wake up for my first class, I didn't have the strength to deal with English. So instead of class, Kimber and I took a drive to Walmart with our neighbor Karson, and got some food. The thing I remember that we bought was tortilla chips and spinach dip. When we left Walmart, while eating our chips and dip, we drove (in the rain/slush) to The Malt Shop where we got glaciers. For a moment, it seemed like things would be okay. Afterwards we went to math class, where I'm pretty positive I didn't learn a thing.

On Thursday we came home, and spent more time with our families. Friday was the viewing, and I was dreading it greatly. I knew that the viewing would mean that my grandpa's death was a reality. I was hesitant to go, because that wasn't how I wanted to remember my grandpa. I wanted to remember my grandpa sitting in his chair, watching his westerns. But I went, and it did in fact help me feel a little better. Saturday was the funeral, I had come up with my list of memories. It was yet again, another surreal moment. But I pulled through, listening to the memories that my cousins shared brought moments of laughter, and moments of tears.

My most cherished memories of my Grandfather are simple, but profound. Every time I would go down to visit him and Grandma he would be sitting in his chair, laid back and relaxed. The moment you walked in the door and up the stairs you would here a booming "What are you up to?" Grandpa was always wanting to know what we were doing, whether it was just for the moment, or with our life. My grandpa loved us, he may not have said it in words, but he showed it in actions. There were many times that I would be sick, so I would go stay with them while my parents were at work. He was always coming into the living room to check on me, and make sure I was okay. If I got sick at school, Grandpa was the one to call to come get me, him and grandma. Grandpa always took the grandkids to the dollar store, such a simple trip, but one that was great. There were times that he would take us to K-Mart, and buy us something small. Another big one memory is the 4th of July, we would go down to their house, early in the day and light fireworks. Given they were just the small tanks, and smoke bombs, but it was the concept of spending time with them. There are many more memories I have, but for now I'll leave it at this.

Today, one year later, I miss my Grandpa each and everyday. I wish I would've had one last moment with him, but I know, that in time, I will have an eternity to be see him. Today, I cried my tears, and let myself miss him a little bit more then I have. I visited the cemetery, and put flowers on his grave. I visited with my Grandma, and enjoyed her company a little more. I also sat in my Grandpa's chair. I received a dollar bill from my aunt, which is something that my Grandpa would've done. Since I gave myself this day to mourn a little deeper, I hope that I will continue to move on, and continue rebuilding my world.

My Grandpa's death was a sudden one. My grandp was healthy, minus the fact that he did smoke. Other than that he was healthy. Sure, he had aches and pains, but we all have those, right. Never, would we have guessed that one of those aches and pains would've been the cause of his death. My grandpa died due to a Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. It was something that isn't easily detected, and there aren't many people who survive them.

So again, I say, don't blink. Don't take the small and simple things for granted. Tell those who are close to you that you love them. Express that love often. Don't let a day go by without telling someone you love them. You never know when that person won't be around for you to say "I love you".

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