do you ever look forward to an event so much that you can't stop talking about it?
do you ever get to said event and panic?
do you ever start to feel like "I don't belong here...why did I bother leaving my house tonight?"
have you ever felt like crying during an event because you're just not sure you fit in?
Socializing is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. large crowds give me severe anxiety, even small crowds give me anxiety. When I moved to Ephraim I told myself that needed to change, and change it did. I allowed myself to open up and quickly made friends. However, things changed back when I moved home. I went into my shell and I only socialized with my friends from high school. Until one of my best friends texted me and said, "Jana, you need to come to the singles ward. I'll pick you up on Sunday." I was forced into being social. And if you've been reading my blog for a while you will know that that was the best thing to happen to me at that time, and I made some amazing friends. Then...the wards changed. Back into my shell I went and I have never fully come back out. It has gotten worse since almost every one of my friends have gotten married this year. I'm at a point where I know I need friends, and I want to make new friends. But I can't. I've lost that little spark that was inside of me to be outgoing and putting myself out of my comfort zone. We are taught in the Gospel that the moment you become comfortable you stop progressing. I am seeing that is completely true. But sometimes that staying comfortable is all my poor shy self can handle.
*sorry the blog has been a bit of a downer lately...*