Monday, February 23, 2015

{a four hour car ride} that might have been a mistake...

I visited Rexburg, Idaho over the weekend.  I'd been telling my old roommate Courtney that I would come visit her and her husband while they were at BYU-I but I was always so busy with school.  So, since I graduated, I decided to go.  I was excited, so excited.  Until, I realized I would have a four hour car ride, by myself.  No one to talk to, no one to trade driving with if I got tired, just me.  As it turned out, four hours with just me, some music, and the open road wasn't so bad.  About a week before I was to go up I told Courtney, "Now, if I come up you have to promise me you won't convince me to move up there."  Ever since I started the Pathway Program through BYU-I the thought of just moving to Rexburg has crossed my mind a number of times.  As I pulled out of my driveway Friday afternoon I told myself "Don't fall in love with Rexburg." (Remember, I have a love of small towns.)  I told myself I needed to put some new music on my phone, because hooking my phone up and shuffling through music is easier to do than switching out CD's all the time.  Well, as it turns out, I didn't have time to add new music, so I was limited on my music choices.  I thought for sure I would need some upbeat, bass pumping music to get me through the drive.  I was wrong.  I listened to the same album on my phone for just about the whole four hours, each way.  I'm sure you're thinking, what does this have to do with anything?  Well.  As much as I love small towns, I love music even more, and I tend to learn some great lessons from songs, even if the lesson I learn isn't exactly the message the song is trying to portray.  Before I go much further, I should say this.  A part of me knew that in driving to Rexburg I was running from my life in Sandy.  Not that it is bad, but there are things happening that have had me wanting to run for awhile.  The fact that the second I got on the freeway and felt all of my worries and pain wash away I knew this trip would be for the best.  Somewhere on a long stretch of freeway in northern Utah or Idaho a song came on, and I knew, within a second, that this trip to Rexburg was going to be hard.  Hard because I knew I wouldn't want to leave.  Lately I've been enamored with a local band called The National Parks.  They are the perfect mix of calm and soothing music mixed with an upbeat vibe.   I am pretty sure by this time in the drive I had listened to the CD 3 times over, as well as listening to the CD every day for the past two weeks.  I don't remember where I was exactly on the drive, close to Malad I think.  All I know, is that I was driving in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but hills, fields, and sage brush as my scenery, when the song "Ghosts" came on. The song is about a boy who leaves his home for a girl, just to find out she isn't his one true love so he goes home.
The chorus goes like this... "So I'll go home, to rest my soul.  And all my ghosts, they'll be gone and I'll be home." After the second time through the chorus the girl sings; "And if you're looking for life, just keep running to me.  Cuz you just might find it..."
I'm pretty sure tears were streaming down my face at this point.  Though I wasn't running home, and I wasn't running because of a fallen love, I was running, and to be honest, I felt like I was running home.  That is when I knew I was in trouble.  Rexburg was amazing.  We didn't do a whole lot, but it was everything I needed and more to clear my head.  We walked around campus, and I felt like I belonged.  It was such a surreal feeling.  When I drove into town on Friday night, I had no idea where I was supposed to go, so I followed the signs toward campus and the temple.  From there, I figured out where Courtney lived.  This sounds weird, but it was like I knew exactly where to go.  Even though it is a small town, I had no problem just going to the exact streets I needed to go to.  When I came home to Sandy yesterday, I struggled leaving Rexburg.  So I drove around, and ended back up at the temple where I sat and pondered things.  I drove out of town with more tears in my eyes.  I felt like I was leaving home.  Somehow, I fell in love with that small town, even though I told myself I wouldn't.  I woke up in Utah today, and cried a little because I didn't want to be here.  Maybe, someday, maybe, I will go back to Rexburg, and I won't have to leave so quickly.

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