Sunday, February 10, 2013

an {evaluation} on life

I'm going to warn you right now,
this will probably be the biggest mess of a blogpost you will ever read,
but there is so much I feel like I need to get out in writing,
and as I learned in church today, when you have something you feel you need to write, do it!
So, without further ado.
There have been a few occurrences over the past few days,
that are causing me to reflect, and evaluate my life at the present moment.
I've never been one to make friends easily,
not that I'm not a nice person, or anything,
I am just beyond shy and sometimes I struggle over coming that barrier.
Back in 2011 when the singles wards split, and my little group of friends went separate ways,
I wasn't sure I was going to make it.
[read about that experience here, here, and again here.]
Well, I made it, and I'm still pulling through.  
I ran away a few times, to a ward where I felt 100% more welcome.
But soon, I knew that wasn't where I belonged and I knew I needed to return back to my ward.
I am however, still struggling a bit.
I haven't made many friends in my ward,
I have about 3 or 4 girls that I adore and spend all of my time with,
and of course my best friend Kaytlin.
That's really the extent of it. 
But today, 
as I was talking with a close friend who was visiting the ward I had a small realization.
Not just about the ward,
but about life, in general.
Somewhere between the hand shaking, the laughing, bumping shoulders as we walked down the hall,
and the talking like old times I realized that it is the small and simple things in life that really mean the most.
I have always been a firm believer in that, but sometimes I forget.
It was hearing the "you didn't need to apologize, you know me better than that" from him,
and the constant laughter from the chapel to the classroom that brought this realization back.
It was the invite to watch the Bachelor from the girls who are pretty much like roommates, that I don't live with.
It was hearing the word's "don't lose hope"
It was the memory from last Monday night where I spent the evening with my dear friend Alicia, at her FHE.  Where we ended up being separated and I ended up with people I didn't know, but I wasn't scared.
It's the nickname "J" and "J-dawg" (not the restaurant...).
All of these simple things,
brought so much happiness into my life.
And it makes me realize that I can find that happiness in any situation.
I can still make this singles ward thing work. 
I just need to change my attitude.

I attended a fireside this evening by Sister Julie B. Beck;
she shared a story of a young man she met on an airplane.
She said that they started talking after a little while, and she found out this man was a member of the church, but had been inactive for some time.  When she asked why he had gone inactive his answer was simple;
"I joined a singles ward."
My friend and I looked at each other, and shook our heads.
It made complete sense to us.
It is easy to slip underneath the radar in a singles ward, and it is easy to feel like no one cares. 
It's easy to skip Sunday School and Relief Society, which can lead to skipping Sacrament meeting.
After the fireside my friend and I were talking and we came to this conclusion, 
[speaking of our own ward]
"we need to be going to church for the Gospel, not the people.  If you're not going for the Gospel you're in trouble."
As I said those words,
I knew that I wasn't living by that, completely
I can handle going to church on Sunday's by myself.  Even though there are opportunities to chat and mingle, it's not why you're there.  But it's difficult for me to go to the activities.  Which, in a singles ward, is an important part.
If I have a friend there, or know someone is going to be there, it is slightly easier.
But still tough.

just remember...
it's the small and simple things that matter,
and go to church for the right reasons!

I warned you this would be a jumbled post;
but I needed to get the thoughts out...

1 comment:

  1. Thanks sis, this is just what I needed to hear. Some days I struggle to church because I don't know anyone and so I feel awkward sitting alone. But I need to remember we are all there for the same reason. Who cares what others may think of me. I need to be happy about myself and do things because I want.